I’m bringing Sexy Back.
What does Heaven look like to a Geek? If he or she dares venture beyond the mysterious perimeter of their parents’ basement and out into unfiltered oxygen and real sunlight, Heaven probably looks a lot like a Convention Center full of comic books.
It’s a fluffy cloud full of collectors and dealers sitting behind miles of tables filled with minty fresh Fantastic Fours, artists signing any surface that won’t smudge a Sharpie, and everyone who was ever beaned in the niblets with a grade school dodgeball now strutting around in a Wolverine costume shouting “Snikttt” every time a flash bulb goes off. And ideally this is all being witnessed as you squint through the slightly off center eye holes of your own oversized Batman cowl.
Yup. Comic-Con hit San Diego.
What could have been just another chance to bust out your Darth Vader voice changer, got a little dose of Cool this week as Ernie and Bert strolled the aisles. Now I’m well aware that any member of Magneto’s Brotherhood of Evil Mutants could easily take down a fuzzy Muppet. Der. But maybe not if Ernie had killer dance moves.
If you had taken your foam rubber Incredible Hulk Action Hands, gotten all Gamma Ray psycho and knocked off Ernie’s enormous costumed head, you could have had a brush with Boy Band greatness. This week Justin Timberlake worked the Comic-Con floor incognito as Ernie, pretty much just to see if he could do it. I know, right? Cry Me A River. Bert’s Boy Toy was LoveStoned.
Now that he is an honorary Saturday Night Live Prankboy, Justin is all about this kind of goofball shtick. Since he was already there to promote his upcoming movie, and apparently always travels with an Ernie costume in his Tumi duffle, why not? He wobbled his way through miles of homemade Captain Americas and their spray painted red, white & blue garbage can lids, bumping into Magic The Gathering card tables and rubbing up against those girls who always wear Naughty Nurse uniforms at Halloween, and no one had a clue. Kind of makes you wonder who else was hiding under latex this weekend.
If you squint, Smurfette did look a little like Lance Bass. Busted.
We’re bringing all this back, unfortunately
And as long as we’re dissin’ Boy Bands… New Kids On The Block & The Backstreet Boys still refuse to pull the emergency brake on that train called the “I Refuse To Admit I’m Getting Older World Dominance Tour” as it systematically careens off the track, either ending up on the Today Show sidewalk or Left Field at Fenway Park.
How do housewives always manage to find babysitters on such short notice every time these boys show up on a cruise or at a Best Buy? Seriously. NKOTBSBM.O.U.S.E.(Why? Because we love you!) as they are referred to on comfortably oversized pastel souvenir t-shirts and over Sooper Scoops at Denny’s after the PTA meetings, are not going down without a fight. Even with waistlines that have somehow increased in direct proportion to the decrease in their hair height, they keep on side to side dancing in front of packed arenas full of Moms who just made it to their seat in time because the Swim Meet ran late. I’m still trying to figure it out. Maybe it’s because when you squint from the cheap seats…hey…the school’s not giving away Band uniforms, ok?…it looks as though nothing has changed after all these years.
Uh Uh Oh Oh Oh. Check it ou ou ou out…
