I have a very romantic relationship with beauty. Is that redundant? Is beauty itself a romantic idea?
At the base of everything, I got into make-up because I wanted to be pretty (and pretty enough to be liked.) And in the way that other people understood pretty. Whence I came from (yes, sadya that archaic word!) pretty was straight hair, bright, almond-shaped eyes, a tiny nose, fair, smooth skin and soft pink lips.
But when you start really learning about make-up and its techniques (and growing up basically,) you begin to understand that you have to take a long hard look at yourself and see what really is there. It's not about redefining pretty, or even finding what is flattering (fuck flattering!) It's finally seeing yourself and starting from there. And I'm not even talking about natural beauty—
This is why drag queens are just such paragons for me. Yes, you may argue that what you see is performance. But that's exactly it. With all that they throw on, they've actualized how they see themselves. You're seeing their imagination in front of you. Glitters, feathers, garters oh my! And that is such power, such courage.
I believe that we are the stories we tell ourselves. Then really, anything that allows me to change the story is worth learning.
Even if it is knowing how to have bright, almond-shaped eyes, a tiny nose, fair, smooth skin and soft pink lips.I think knowing that I can but won't look like that feels like power to me.
So sure, I do want to be pretty, and yes, I'm still looking for love. But at least now, I can also be everything else.
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