So, you’re gonna be a new father. Congratulations. So am I. In a few weeks I’m going to have a son. It’s a very exciting time for me. If you’re in the same situation and you are going to have a new son or daughter, you just know it’s going to change your life for the better.
But that’s long term. Maybe you haven’t thought all this through. Thing about the short game. You’re about to have a baby. That’s a serious situation. A situation where your actual life is going to change in many ways. You will not longer be ‘Joe Bloggs – Dapper man about town.’ Nope, you’re going to be ‘Joe Bloggs – Holy cripes I’m responsible for another living, breathing human being!’
The universe just threw you a screaming, poop-covered curveball.
I’m looking forward to being a dad immensely. But from doing some research on the internet, talking to friends and family who have gone through it all, and using plain old common sense, I’ve compiled a few things to consider whilst the baby bun is cooking in the oven.
Sleep. Or rather the lack of it.
You’re probably aware of this already. That you will have a disrupted sleep pattern because you’ll be up all night feeding the baby, changing the baby, trying to get them to sleep. But have you really considered the damage this is actually going to do on many levels? You need sleep. It’s an important part of the lifecycle. Being woken every one or two hours is not going to be fun. It’s going to be hell. I saw my friend recently who has an 8 week old boy. That baby required feeding every hour and a half. On the dot. Try to imagine that. Your sleep pattern constantly punctuated with high pitched screaming and crying. Your irritability level reaching Mount Pompeii-levels of magnitude.
Arguments, Arguments, Arguments
You can see this as a partial result of the above. If you’re tired and irritable, you’re much more prone to becoming short tempered and argumentative. Something your partner does that you’d usually let slide becomes a heinous crime against humanity. You’ll forget to do the simplest things, leading to more confrontation. A colleague who also recently had a baby slept through their assigned feeding time, leading to their partner being forced to wake and sort out the kid.
And then they were sorry.
A full blown argument at 4am is par for the course at least once I’d reckon.
Some socialising goes out of the window.
Those friends who don’t have children. Take a long look at them. Because chances are you’re not going to spend as nearly as much time. Not with a baby in tow. Those crazy nights out where you woke up in some strange family’s conservatory with no memory of how or why you’re wearing butt-less leather chaps are going to end.
What?! I slept with Danny DeVito as well?!
Because let’s face it, you’re a parent now. You’ve got more important things to do. Well, maybe not more important but certainly more responsible things to do. Chances are you won’t see a lot of your friends after the first few days for a while because you are going to be busy not sleeping and not having sex and not drinking and instead ensuring that teeny-tiny bundle of joy is kept safe.
Your child-less friends will probably still be doing all the fun things they used to, which means you’ll miss out on a lot of invites and parties and nights out. So just make sure you stock up on your DVD collection and try not to get down in the dumps when you miss out.
Because you’re embarking a much more fulfilling journey here. Something that you’ll probably enjoy much more than you’ll hate. From what I can gather, the pros far outweigh the cons, but for those first few months, it’ll probably feel like you’ve just opened the Ark of the Convent.
Chin up though, you have a baby. You made a person. How cool is that?
Especially if they grow up to be just like this guy.
{Images courtesy of catholiclane.com, phillbarron.wordpress.com and celebitchy.com respectively}
Bio
Halit Bozdogan is a writer for Appliances Online, loves Fleetwood Mac and reads Cracked (credit to them for being the inspiration for this article). He’s also recording monthly video blogs to give to his son when he’s the right age. So he meets the man his father is now, because if this article hasn’t made clear, it won’t be the man his son will meet when he’s older. For a start, he’ll be much more tired.
