Humor Magazine

Oh Fail, Toe Nail

By Dianelaneyfitzpatrick
Oh Fail, Toe NailGood thing I look up gross and ugly photos online before I start writing my blog. Before I sat down here this morning, I was feeling like my feet were really unsightly. A quick Googling of ‘ugly toenail’ and I’m feeling much better. And, no, I’m not going to show you any of the pictures. This is a funny blog; it’s supposed to make you laugh, not wretch.
A lot of people with cameras and no sense of shame have extremely ugly feet, as it turns out. Human feet even at their best look pretty weird if you look at them long enough. The ones with long curly yellow toenails and bones sticking out at weird angles make you wonder how these people can walk around.
The ugliness I can understand. There’s a lot of weight put on our feet. We cram them into 6-inch heels with pointy toes and old running shoes. But according to the Internet photos, lots of people are just not cutting their toenails. What’s with that? Sure, it will take a small power saw, but for cripe’s sake, fire that thing up and get rid of those talons.
My only-moderately-unsightly feet are because of my big toenails. For being so big and hard, my big toenails are apparently super sensitive. They got pushed on by my running shoes for two work-outs last week and they just up and died.
After the second day at the gym, I decided I better switch shoes. But it was too late. My toenails were hurting and hurting and hurting. By the seventh day, I decided I better take off the nail polish and see what was going on under there.
A lot was going on.
My big toenails are dead.
I’m not sure I could get any of the Vietnamese nail salon people to give me a pedicure. I don’t want to be the subject of the tales they tell when they go home at night. I’m looking at the calendar and hoping I don’t have anywhere I need to be in the next few months, where I can’t wear a pair of fuzzy slippers.
My friend Kathy tells me the same thing happened to her from wearing ill-fitting ski boots once. She said it was a year before her toenail was normal again. 
Looks like that foot modeling job I had my eye on is out of the question now. But I might post some photos on the Internet just to join the fun.

You Might Also Like :

Back to Featured Articles on Logo Paperblog

These articles might interest you :

  • 220. Iranian Director Mohammad Rasoulof’s “Lerd” (A Man of Integrity) (2017),...

    220. Iranian Director Mohammad Rasoulof’s “Lerd” Integrity) (2017), Based Original Story/script: Very Critical Philosophical Look Corruption Religious Intolerance Iran Today

    "Early on, this film introduces us to many different facets of its main character's life that barely seem to relate. Gradually and powerfully, the script... Read more

    14 hours, 24 minutes ago by   Jugu Abraham
  • Bev/Kat of Cylbourne Park

    Bev/Kat Cylbourne Park

    Been off the frequency for some time. …Obviously.  …Almost never even look at FB anymore. Mostly only to post a new obsession. A lot is happening. Private life,... Read more

    14 hours, 30 minutes ago by   Shewritesalittle
  • Pra Pra Prank, Gurgaon: It Takes Two To Tango….delightfully!

    Prank, Gurgaon: Takes Tango….delightfully!

    One would think that it would be difficult to recreate magic after Prankster but the same team headed by the Banga brothers have done it again! Read more

    15 hours, 19 minutes ago by   Indian Food Freak
  • Hot Cross Bacon Baps

    Cross Bacon Baps

    One of the things I love most about the Easter Season of eating is . . . Hot Cross Buns! Although they are generally available all year round now it seems, WE,... Read more

    16 hours, 10 minutes ago by   Mariealicerayner
  • Faustina Pace

    Faustina Pace

    After people ask me if I have been to antique row in West Palm Beach, the next logical question is,"what was your favorite store?" My answer is Faustina Pace... Read more

    18 hours, 36 minutes ago by   Cleskowitz
  • Sedo Weekly Sales Led by

    Sedo released their weekly sales and led the way at $500,000. was number two at $140,000. 43 .com sales 16 cctld sales 5 other gtld sales... Read more

    The 20 March 2018 by   Worldwide
  • 9 Types Of Men’s Bags

    Types Men’s Bags

    Here are 9 popular men’s bags that are both functional and fashionable. Here is a range to compliment both business and weekend attire. What is a man’s bag? Read more

    The 20 March 2018 by   Von Baer Uk