Humor Magazine

Now This Is Entertainment!

By Dmroughton
Here is a marvelous scene I had the pleasure to witness at a store in Elizabeth City, NC. I would have easily paid the price of a movie admission to get to see this, but I was lucky enough to see it for free. As we and the rest of the east coast feel Hurricane Irene looming on the horizon, this went down:
Now This Is Entertainment!Large African-American Woman #1 stands staring at the bottled water shelf, empty except for one case of 16 oz. bottles. One hand on the shopping cart handle and the other on her hip, she stares blankly, muttering something about no gallon jugs.
Large African-American Woman #2 walks up and waits momentarily. When #1 does not go for the case of water, #2 stoops down to pick it up. Then this dialogue ensues:
#1: Excuse me, that's my water.
#2: No, it's not. You was just standing there staring. I got it first.
#1: I was JUST about to pick it up. You can't just come all up in here and steal people's water.
#2: I ain't stealing nothing. And you ain't got to get loud.
#1: I need that water for my babies, and I will get loud if I want to get loud. You ain't even seen loud.
At this point #2 makes a smacking noise with her mouth, rolls her eyes, and stands up with the case of water in her hands.
#2: Well, I got babies too, and they getting this water, so you can go ahead and get loud all you want. What you think somebody supposed to be scared of you or something?
I don't think I have ever seen a black person's face get red before, but #1 looked like her head was about to spin around three times.
#1: You trying to say your babies is more important than my babies?! Oh hell no. Lord Jesus help me. It's going down.
Then #1 steps forward and grabs one end of the case of the water while #2 tugs firmly on the other end. They sort of pull the water back and forth for a few seconds.
#2: If you don't get your hands off my water, I'm about to fuck your stank ass up!
#1: Bitch you don't know me.
Some more tugging of the case of water ensues, and then a store worker turns the corner pushing a whole new pallet of bottled water. LMAO!
#2: Here bitch. Take this damn water. You need to go wash your ass in it any damn way.
And that right there is better than anything I have seen on Comedy Central in a month.

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