Fashion Magazine

Not Quite the Crotch Length Boots

By Caveatcalcei @gabfran
For Darecember Day 6 - Boots in Sumer

For Darecember Day 6 – Boots in Summer

A long long time ago, when I was just a lass of not even I fell madly and deeply in love with a pair of very long boots not dissimilar to these.



I saw them in a shop called the Wild Pair in a mall either in New York or California. I cannot remember where exactly now but I remember clearly wondering to myself how amazing it would be to pull a pair of boots on that would magically transform my short, funny looking legs into something elegant and (possibly) alluring. I worked hard all that summer at temporary office jobs to afford those boots. When I finally stepped into the shop the assistant informed me sadly that they no longer stocked my size. I could feel my dreams of leggy sophistication evaporating and I wondered out loud whether they had the boots in a size near my own. They had a half size smaller. The boots fit but without but wiggle room. My feet felt like sausages inside but the leather shaft smelled so rich that I was prepared to forget about the comfort and hope that they would stretch. With the aid of Dr Wild’s Incredible Mink Oil, a lot of newspaper and patience the boots eventually stretched. Just in time for thigh length stiletto boots to be considered passe, tacky and faintly ridiculous.

So the boots remained in a box, brought out now and again for a tender caress and then packed away. When we migrated to Australia in March 2000, I was sure that the boots had joined us. We have a lot of still unpacked boxes full of art books, ornaments, paintings. No place to put them. No home of our own for long boots to find a space of their own. When thigh length boots became fashionable again approximately 3 years ago I rummaged through our many unpacked boxes at first with a sort of gift unwrapping excitement and then, as time grumbled on, with a slow creeping horrible disappointment.

The boots were not in any of the boxes.

The boots were gone.

Somewhere between my previous home and my new homes in Australia the boots had left my possession never to return.

Convinced by the magical properties of eBay I recorded a search for ‘wild pair boots‘ and ‘wild pair thigh boots‘.

Three years later I am still waiting for a pair of piratical principal boy boots to wink at me from a seller’s alert.

Three years later I had all but given up the notion of them entirely, let their memory puff off into the ether.

And theeeeeeen?

I saw these…..

Thigh Boots. Crotch Boots

Anna Dello Russo for H&M Crotch Length Leather Boots Discovered via Bootlovers Blog

I just about ended myself with excitement and typed myself to H&M’s online store as fast as my nimble fingers could carry me.

Only to find this message:

” Online shopping is not currently offered in your market. Please visit your local H&M for availability.
Please note that colours and sizes may have varied availability in our stores.”

I wanted these boots so badly that I felt like I had phantom limb syndrome.

The boots were only available in a handful of stores around the globe. London, Paris, Singapore, New York, etc. Not Sydney.

On Facebook and on Twitter, I begged anyone who might happen to be in an area where the boots were being sold to let me know if they would be prepared to go and pick them up for me and then send them to me. I would be not only over the moon but well, I would be pretty much forever in their debt.

I mean that most sincerely folks.

My fairy godmother sprinkled some happy sparkly thoughts over the photo of the boots on my Facebook page.

She is not only kind and beautiful but she is as bat shit crazy as I am about life altering footwear. Her name is Cheryl Wischover. She writes for and blogged for me a while back about her wonderful Alexander Wang boots.

She felt my pain and she used her fashion writer clout to breeze in and pick up a pair of sold out everywhere boots in the ADR H&M pre-sale.

Here they are worn inside:

Picture 18

I haven’t had a chance to wear them outside yet.

I wanted to wear them for the Foxinflats Darecember boot challenge today. But I didn’t dare. They are too beautiful to be out anywhere other an elegant restaurant matched with my floor length leather Matrix trench coat. The Sydney summer beast is not yet fully awake so you never know, I might get a chance to wear them for Christmas Day…


Meantime, my trusty RMK boots (first pic) did a grand job for Day 6 of Darecember (Boots). The 5 inch heel shrinks down to 3 inches with the generous platform. Match with a floaty silk chiffon Wish tunic dress and summer boots don’t get (too) much adverse attention. I suspect that the ADRs would have had me followed down the street by boot fetishists. You have to be in the mood and well armed to deal with That Sort of Thing really don’t you?

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