Photo by Andrew Malone via Flickr.
Last week, my wife and I experienced one of a parent’s absolute worst fears. Three months of our family photos had somehow disappeared, including our youngest daughter’s birth.
The photos from the hospital, the coming home pictures, pictures of her in her first outfit – all gone. The latest backups were too old, all the alternate locations came up empty. Only a few pictures that had been posted on Facebook for extended family are still around.
This is, for many people, the terror of a worst nightmare. My wife and I both grew up in homes where the loss of mother’s precious pictures was not something to even joke about; careful preservation of memories in scrapbooks and albums was a serious hobby and investment. And yet, our reactions to the event did not play out exactly as I would have expected.
Nothing is Forever
While the loss of irreplaceable pictures of your children’s birth and other life events can feel like a tragic loss, we feel it so strongly because in some way we believe that they are permanent. When things in our life fail us by breaking down or just disappearing like baby pictures, we feel somehow wronged.
Consider a loss that many more of us have experienced: the failure of an appliance. In the past year we have had to replace two major appliances. In the past, we have had a dishwasher break down when we were hosting the big family Thanksgiving, and the oven stop working on Easter. At some point, all of us have had a crucial appliance break down in the home when we were expecting it.
How did you respond? Did you lash out at the appliance in a verbal assault? In the heat of anger and passion, some of us tend to anthropomorphise the inanimate things that fail us, blaming them as if they consciously chose to let us down on purpose.
Or do you take out your anger and frustration on others in your home? Do you let the fact the washing machine did not drain sour your entire outlook on the day?
We purchase these appliances realizing that they are only temporary. That brand new, shiny stainless steel refrigerator looks amazing in the newly-renovated kitchen. We revel in that joy for quite a while. Then, years later when it gives out, it is revealed that for some reason we really did expect it to last forever. Or an indefinite wish that it would last ‘just a bit longer.’
Trust In What Will Last
When we realized the pictures of our daughter’s birth and other family events were in fact gone, I would have expected more anger and frustration. We certainly grieve the loss, and while there were tears, I’m not sure I’d refer to it as ‘weeping and gnashing of teeth.’ But there was not blaming, no angry outbursts, no long-term agonizing over it.
Much to our surprise, we were rather accepting and calm about it. We both realized right away that we still had our daughter and our memories. That we could not expect the pictures or the computer to have lasted forever, even if backups had been made.
You probably have heard of the cobbler whose children have no shoes. This is the modern version where the IT guy had no backups. However, even backup services fail eventually.
I have let a broken washing machine ruin my day before, or agonized over replacing a dishwasher. Why was I so calm about losing those pictures that I could never, ever replace?
I believe it was the grace to remember that these things will all pass away. It is useless to cling to the things that, by nature of being things of this world, will at some point fail or cease to be.
As Christians, we recall Jesus’ words from the sermon on the mount:
Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon the earth, where moth and rust consume, and where thieves break through and steal: but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth consume, and where thieves do not break through nor steal: for where thy treasure is, there will thy heart be also. Matthew 6:19-21
This is true in our information age as well, for if your treasure is your valued memories and data that are subject to hard drive failure, user error, and worms and other viruses, it will not last.
Lesson Learned
While the loss has certainly driven home the importance of keeping backups again, the biggest lessons I have taken from this experience are matters of growth.
First, I took it as another reminder that things will not last, as I have already explained. We need to remain grounded enough to remember that all things will pass away, and even our digital information is not immune to this truth.
I also realized that the things we are afraid of losing are often not so painful to let go of once the time comes. For my family and I, this comes from a trust that things happen for a reason – a trust in Divine Providence and the hope for life eternal beyond this temporary experience.
Finally, it occurred to me that this is an experience and lessons that ought to be shared with our readers here on the Home Life blog. I have interviewed some of you, and read the posts of a great many other bloggers on home topics, and I know that saving precious memories is something we all have in common. Losing those memories is not something I would wish for anyone to experience.
Also, our customers who come to buy an appliance are often dealing with the frustration of an old appliance that just quit on them. The process of choosing a replacement appliance to depend on is a bittersweet and sometimes stressful time. I hope that this personal note brings encouragement and hope in those difficult times.
