New beginnings often flourish in the aftermath of emotional calamities.
The atonement and crucifixion were the painful ends to Jesus' perfect life and ministry. But out of that we had the new beginnings of the kingdom Jesus made available to us all.
Every last one of the original Apostles of Christ were martyred. Each one met a painful death before their new beginning in the Kingdom reunited with Jesus.
I lived in Hawaii, where I had been stationed in the Army, with my fiancé for four years. I tried to make it work with her but after the last meltdown I flew back to Utah. And as I dated I learned more about me and what I was and was not willing or able to do to make a relationship work.
Every break up left me distraught and I eventually felt unloveable and update able. If these relationships had not flamed out I would not have met my wife.
And if I had not broken up with my wife, twice, I would have had a better relationship with all of my stepchildren instead of 3 out of the 4.
My wife and family is the best thing to ever happen to me in my life. And I am eternally greatful for all of them.
If my prayers would have been answered in 2004 I would have a very different life and would not have been blessed with what I have now. I have a good idea of what my life with my ex fiancé would have been like but all that I treasure is what grew out of the wreckage of relationships that ended.
In the Army I was in the Infantry and my job was to fight in combat. I joined in 2002 and we went to war in 2003 one year to the day after I joined. But after a suicide attempt in October of 2002 I was processed out of the Army.
I lost friends in Iraq and Afghanistan but I lived because I was sent home early. I feel responsible for not being there with my friends but my wife and kids are greatful that I did not serve in the wars. They feel I would have been killed because I would have risked my life to save others.
My wife has said I would have jumped on a grenade to save everyone else. It feels good to have my wife think so highly of me.
Though the end of my military career was hard it allowed my life to blossom in ways it would not have other wise. And I try to make the most of life knowing that I'm lucky to still be alive when some of my friends died in their early 20's.
My dad lost his wife to his best "friend" as well as losing his mind and military career as well. He still wears his Air Force uniform top and he still bemoans losing my mom. He could have moved on with his life and made it worth living but he chose not to. He has always been miserable as long as I can remember.
He had the opportunity to flourish in life and move on but he never did because misery is too comfortable to him. He treats misery as an excuse to treat himself so badly. He rarely eats and weighs 130 at 6'4. He drinks too much and smokes too much and his health is awful.
So we each have a choice as to what to do when something ends in our life. We can move on or we can hold on to what's gone.
Just because our past is ugly doesn't mean our future can't be beautiful.
