Never Seen It! Sunday: The Thing

You know when you're talking to someone you think is like totally happening in a far out way and they ask if you've seen their favourite movie and you lie and say you seen "parts of it" because you don't want to seem like a total pop culture pariah? Yeah, we do too - and we hate ourselves for it! That's why we're vowing to watch at least one movie we've put off, ignored, rejected or just plain-out forgot about every week from now on. Join us as recount the popping of our cinematic cherries, complete with awkward, over-analytical details!
Photo: impaawards.com
THE THING

DATE RELEASED: June 25, 1982
DATE ACTUALLY WATCHED: October 8, 2011

WHY NOW? The scene-for-scene remake - er, prequel? - of this cult classic (which follows a research team in Antarctica who have to turn against one another an alien starts inhabiting their bodies) comes out next Friday and I want to be able to critique it with the best of the sci-fi horror nerds and John Carpenter connoisseurs. 
WHY NOT THEN? It came out seven years before I was born. EXPECTATIONS:

• Kurt Russell, being extraterrestrially badass.
• Lots of gnarly, pre-CGI  make-up that puts modern stuff to shame.
• Gorgeous snow bank cinematography.
• An overwhelming, heart-freezing ending.
• Basically, 30 Days of Night, minus the vamps, plus a body-snatching alien.
  

WHAT I ACTUALLY GOT...

• Kurt Russell being extraterrestrially badass and grungy sexy with a hobo beard. drinking problem and flame thrower.
  
• An awesomely cheesy, 1980s opening, complete with an animated UFO and overdone title card.
• AMAZING make-up and animatronics, making it possible to make it look like a dog's face is getting ripped in half and unearthing a tentacled beast -- among other disgustingly awesome things.
• A haunting score by  none other than Ennio Morricone!  
• The uncle from My Girl/My Girl 2!
  
• THIS GUY.
  
• Lots of lead-up time, not so much action. And not in a bad way.  If you've seen Halloween, Carpenter's other absolute-best, you know what I mean.
• A simple, wholly effecting story that doesn't get too wrapped up in confusing, unnecessary scientific explanation and focuses on the characters and their reactions to the horrors manifesting in front of - and in some cases, within! - them.
• An underwhelming, but still chilling ending.

ONE NIGHT-IN STAND OR SECOND DATE POTENTIAL? Definite second date potential, but not immediately. While I definitely enjoyed and appreciated this classic, which I'm calling Aliens in the Arctic, I'm not sure The Thing is, uh, something I could rewatch on a regular basis. I'll wait until I've forgotten the majority of the gory details, so I can be sufficiently grossed out again.