My Universe, My Home

So here we are. I promised that, after reading some more and thinking seriously about it, I would let you know where I have landed. For now. How do I view the universe today and what to I think it means for what comes next. I have been alluding to it over the past few posts as I explored and considered and I am now at a place where I feel comfortable. At least as comfortable as I can under the circumstances.
What is the universe to me? It is everything and we are all part of it. It is us, we are it. We all come from the energy of the universe and we all return to it in some way. That's a pretty good start because it means to me that there is no end to our existence in some form.
Having said this, there is the question of where did it all begin. This is important, because if you believe the Big Bang started it all, then what existed before that? Nothing? Well, isn't nothing something if you are attaching timelines. Or if you believe that God started it all, then where did God come from and what existed before Him? That's my biggest problem with the idea of a master creator. All I can think is that the universe must be eternal. It must have always been as it always will, possiby changing, starting and stopping. Maybe there have been many big bangs. Maybe there are multiple universes that exist within he larger multiverse as has been hypothesized (I don't make this stuff up!). But I can accept this. I can't explain it or prove it, but I can accept an eternal universe with no beginning or end to time or space. If I do this, then I don't have problems with grand design or with gods. There could be a master plan or it could all be random. The only thing that isn't random, that can't be random, is that it exists. If it all just winked out when we die, what would be the use. As wonderful as this life has been most of the time, it can't be all there is. So in my mind, there has to be more. But what?
Well, I know that I can't really know what's ultimately "out there". None of us can until we're there and, if we could come back, it seems we can't call up the news and give them the scoop. We have no choice but to accept this and deal with it, so that's what I'll do. But it also seems that we can get a glimpse of what's to come through Near Death Experiences (NDEs) as I discussed in my last post. As I said, there is enough evidence FOR ME to believe that there is a transitory stage where many things happen, where the lights don't go out. Maybe I will see my dad or my mom as I hope. Maybe I'll meet Jesus or even God on the other side. I can't discount any of those possibilities any more than I can tell you what is there so I expect to be pleasantly surprised. That's a lot better than laying there, afraid of the lights going out. Afraid it's just all over.
But ultimately, it is all still a mystery. A wonderful mystery. And perhaps that's how it should be.
Personal Update
It's been a rough week in some ways and a good week in others. Since my trip to the emergency department, it seems we have found a "pain cocktail" that works so my pain is under control for the first time in over four years! But tired! It took me most of the week to get any kind of energy level back and even that requires the use of portable oxygen. But I'll take what I can. As long as I can read and write, for now I'm happy. The wedding was wonderful and was a huge milestone for me. But I have lots left to do. Miles to go before I sleep and all of that.
Many thanks for all the good wishes and kind comments. They mean a lot!