With Valentine’s Day coming tomorrow, I thought it would be fitting to address the perils of being single on what is considered to be the most romantic day of the year. I started to brainstorm answers to the following questions. How should a single person celebrate Valentine’s Day and overcome loneliness? How can a single person enjoy Valentine’s Day as well as any couple?
My prayer for the blog is to provide solid encouragement inspired by Biblical truths. I’d sincerely like to veer away from fairytales and inspiration without substance. Because I know how it feels to be unaided in the pursuit to live happily as a single person, I strive to offer Christian singles the best help I can give. Trying to understand why you have not fallen in love and then going about any means necessary to make that happen can be grueling. You will likely read, listen to, or try just about anything to make it happen.
Initially, I was going to post a grand list of things for singles to do on Valentine’s Day. Then I realized that if you are like me, you have Googled the topic and read them all already…been there…done that. The unadulterated truth is maybe those clever tips will make your Valentine’s Day better and maybe they won’t. You’ve heard these recommendations before I’m sure.
*Pamper yourself *Hang out with friends *Do something for someone less privileged *Join an online dating site *Get out and meet new people
I have tried all of them. Yet one problem remained. Attempting to occupy Valentine’s Day with an activity to take my mind off being single was only a temporary fix. Perhaps the advice above has been able to deliver some out of their Valentine’s Day misery forever, but they were not permanent winners for me.
For many years as a single person all I wanted to know was how to not be single anymore. Give me a man and I’ll be complete. Any advice to get me down that path was more than welcome. Frustration set in when nothing seemed to work permanently. Hanging with friends was great…until we all went home. Pampering myself was wonderful…until I had to redirect my attention back to my daily responsibilities. Online dating was exciting…until I had to filter through dozens of questionables just to get to one possible who turned out to be an unlikely. Admittedly, two of the best pieces of advice I received was to help others with their needs and physically get out and meet new people. Those things coupled with prayer were huge steps that led me to Ronnie, but it didn’t happen overnight. So, at the end of a Valentine’s Day, I remained chagrined.
What was the real foundation for my sorrow? Why was being single such torment for me? If I had a husband would all be well with my soul? Was it healthy to look to a man to complete me? I couldn’t answer with a confident, “yes” anymore. There was some part of me that just wasn’t whole and I was no longer confident that finding a man would make it better. Obviously I would not have rejected the opportunity to fall in love, but I know I would have gone from incomplete and single to incomplete and married. My relationship status would change but I would be the same deficient woman I was before.
My desire for happiness on Valentine’s Day shifted a bit. It wasn’t enough to resolve the problem by getting a love to call my own. I wanted to be healed at my core. My prayer was to be happy, content, and at peace on all future holidays no matter if I was single or not.
This was a huge goal I asked of myself. Spending a day at the spa and hanging out with the girls would have been much less of an ordeal, but I was tired of short-term fixes. Temporary nuggets of pleasure were not cutting it for me anymore. Why would I want to overcome this Valentine’s Day only to dread the next one?
I went to the Word of God to find help…
Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee. So that we may boldly say, The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me. Hebrews 13:5-6
Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. I know how to abound: everywhere and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. Philippians 4:11-13
Be content with such things as I have. Learn, in whatsoever state I am, to be content. Know how to abound and suffer need. I will not fear what man shall do (or say) unto me. These statements seemed unattainable at first but I knew living God’s Word would be my catalyst for an enriched single life. I had to get to this place so my soul could prosper. This attitude and new lease on life could only come from one divine source. I looked to Jesus. I looked to Him for everything else, so why not this? There is nothing of this world that can make each part of my being whole. A consistent walk in the Spirit was the way to unconditional joy, hope, and security.
Scriptures became my food morning, noon, and night. I engrossed myself in God’s Word with the aim of drilling down to the carnal nature of discontentment and rooting it out of my soul. It was a process. It is a process. I imagine it shall be until this life is complete. But you know what? It works. I am married today but there is always some goal we will desire to reach.
Nourishing my spirit with God’s Word allowed for revelation and wisdom. One, every blessing from God is enough. As I wait on God to answer my prayers and provide the desires of my heart, I remind myself that God will allow me to have all that I need daily. Does God not know me? Am I not His child? He does and I am. The Word of God changed my mind and my feelings on waiting. I attained a peace about it.
God’s Word also revealed my purpose, vision, and destiny.
Those things in and of themselves were enough to transfer the focus of my heart from the right now (Valentine’s Day) to the greatness of my future. Abruptly there was urgency to discover the fullness of my identity and purpose. The revelation was clear. My life was to be much more than romance and marriage. That would only be a fraction of who I am and what I will do.
Why was I investing so much of my time and emotion into something that was not yet? I wanted so badly to be happy with my life, yet I was missing the forest for the trees. When I sought after God for His will over my own, I found new passions that likened to the importance of me being married. God showed me things that I never thought to look for. He gave me help that I never knew to ask for.
I discovered the Candra I always wanted to be and there wasn’t a man in sight.
Did I stop wanting to be married? Did I stop waiting and searching for my husband? Well of course not. Desiring to be married was not my problem. How I allowed the lack of a husband to hold me back from the other blessings that God had for me was the problem. Too busy sulking and longing and not enough time considering that God was elevating my life in so many other ways.
Don’t have a dream or vision? Get to God quickly and get one so that it may give you direction. Read His Word on a regular basis and especially when you don’t feel like it. Daily I fight against the carnal nature that finds it so easy to sorrow and complain. Years of it accomplished me nothing except more sorrows and complaining.
Marriage will come.
Until then, know all of who you are. Know all of what you have. Know all of what you can do. Know all of what you are called to do. That’ll keep you excited and busy until you say, “I do.” (Smile)
Candra
