My Mums Group: Forget the Text Books, This is Real Life Parenting

Its 3am and I am still wide awake, the sleeping pills they gave me are useless, I can take a higher dose than what I am already taking.

Tonight has been just another night. The mums Facebook group has seen the laughter’s and the tears. Its seen a steady stream of posts by both mothers and mothers to be, all looking for advice or support. Or just catching up with the days events.

I have seen mums depressed, sharing their exciting pregnancy news, talking about bodily functions and even their tattoos. No subject is off limits. It jumps from high to low in a split second.

I have spoken to a mum who watched her ex partner being sent to prison today, for the beatings he gave her, she is in shock, filled with mixed emotions.

I have spoke to a mum who has suffered a miscarriage earlier today.

I have spoke to a mum who is struggling to accept her relationship is over and the only way she knows how to deal with this is to cut her arms and legs to shreds.

I have spoken to a mum who wants to swallow every pill in the house and not wake up in the morning.

I have spoke to a mum to be who is terrified as her baby bumped his head and now she is blaming herself.

While these conversations may phase many, its all in days work as they say. These are the real life issues that I face head on daily.

My inbox becomes more active at night time. It is no secret that we struggle on during the day, but once the kids are in bed, when we

are  sat alone, thats when our fears hit us.

Many of the mums have already enforced their own coping strategies. While some find talking to others enough to help them, others will look at the bottom of an empty bottle, smoke an illegal drug or cut up thier bodies. Who am I to judge. The fact of life is, we all have our own way of dealing with things.

What do I say to a mum who messages me as she is slicing her arm  with a sharp knife? 

I remind her to cut safely and remain in control. One wrong cut and we could loose a mum. Just like that, a life taken away. But cutting is the only thing this mum knows, the only way she feels in control. She promises she will tell her GP tomorrow she is still doing this, needs extra support.

Will she really keep that promise? No I don’t believe she will.

Begging her to stop, not to do it is pointless, this is her life, this is what she does. I have to accept her choices.

What do I say to a mum who is sat clutching a bottle of prozac, ready to swallow them all?

A few years ago I remember being in this very same situation, more than once. I can remember feeling that low that I truly believed the world would be a better place without me in it. I can relate, can understand and am very honest when dealing with suicide attempts. 99% have been a cry for help. I have only ever had 1 mum take an overdose on me.

I have all the emergency numbers to hand and would without a second thought use those numbers. I would breach their confidentiality if I thought they were at harm. They know this too.

The list goes on and sometimes I don’t even have an answer to a question.

What I do know is I am amazed at the way mothers do cope. Life can be pretty screwed up at times. If anybody knows that, I do. But no matter what life throws at us, we  may fall, even crumble into a heap on the floor. But we always pull ourselves back up slowly, brush ourselves off and stand alone again. Ready for the next time.

Is being a mother difficult? Damn right it is.

If it was all about debates over dummies and breastfeeding, parenting would be a breeze.

Throw in sexual abuse, domestic violence, drugs, debt , self harm, mentall illness and relationship breakdowns  you suddenly realise that being a mother does not always come easy.

Can you imagine going through hell and back, feeling pain, fear and confusion at the same time as wearing a smile on your face to the outside world?

Breaking so badly inside that you feel just another step and your going to fall while at the same time you have to feed, bath, enetertain your child and deal with teething and sleepless nights?

Is it any wonder some mums just want the world to stop and allow them to climb off?

I used to lie awake at night from worry over certain mums, trying to think of something, anything that would ease the pain for them, give them a solution to the problem.

Now I can sleep.

I have learned that no matter how difficult their lives may well be right now, how their souls are destroyed, the fear and pain is raw and they feel lost. I know that they also posses a great inner strength that nobody else can see. They don’t even see it themselves. That strenght comes from their children. They are mothers first and women second. No matter what they are going through, they push that to aside to ensure their children come first.

That is what makes a real mother. Forget the text books. This is real life parenting.