CREDIT
Why should I forgive her ?
You know the saying we only get one mother, well over the years I’ve wished daily that I had more than one a chance to choose another.
Growing up I lived a ‘normal’ life there was I,my two sisters,mum and dad. We were a typical family argued over the silliest things you name it with 3 girls all within a close age we were guaranteed to have argued about it. We went on family holidays once a year celebrated christmas and birthdays together , but one thing that will always stick in my mind is how unhappy mom and dad seemed. They barely spoke to each other let alone showed any affection.
At approx aged 8 I remember my mom started to go out all the time styling her hair differently putting on that her ‘slap’ as she called it.
Mum and dad began to argue, I and my sisters used to sit in our bedroom with our back against the door and covered our ears. This wasn’t the family we were used to dad kept calling mom a ‘slapper’. I at this point had no idea what it meant. The arguing,screaming and shouting continued for the next couple of months until mom came home with some news.
We had the shock of our life the words we were about to hear felt like burning acid upon my heart. ‘I’m leaving’ mom said. We all sat their and listened in between tears as she explained she had met somebody else and was leaving dad.
The next few hours went by in a blur, we presumed we’d be leaving with our mother she worked part time and dad ran his own business little did we know she simply walked away stating we wouldn’t fit into her new life.
Mum left that night, leaving dad in a mess he got so drunk we had to lie him on the sofa. I and my sisters stayed up that night and broke our hearts.
Mum had gone she’d left with a second thought for her children. Dad later explained mom had met someone else and had been having an affair for 18 months.
Then 3 weeks after mom left it was my sisters 10th birthday. We never heard from mom no card no phone call no present nothing. My sister spent the day sat in the living room waiting for her. We finally realised she simply didn’t care we were her past, her new ‘thing’ was her future. Mum moved away according to family and had 2 other children with her new partner.
At the age of 18 I became a mother the bond I had for my child no words will ever describe. I began to once again question my mums decision had we simply been erased from her memory.
I decided for my sake I needed answers, I needed to know what pushes a women to walk away. Had something happened that we weren’t told about ?
After searching high and low I finally tracked her down she changed her name after getting married. The rumours were true we had 2 siblings we had never met. Mum agreed to meet me.
The fear, panic and anxiety hit me that morning knowing I had to go and met the women who’d left and simply walked away. We arranged to meet at 11am at a local cafe. I arrived early and ordered a hot chocolate I sat and waited and waited and waited. Every second feeling like an hour, every moment filling me with dread. I waited until noon. She never did show I rang her and text but she eventually sent a text saying we were her past and she hadn’t needed us for the past 10 years so why bother now.
Those words cut me deep like a knife against bare skin.
That was 3 years ago and I still find myself wondering ‘what if’ but I no longer miss the women who I used to call ‘ MUM’. She choose her man over her children. I hope one day she wakes up and realises what she’s lost.
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