This post is an anonymous guest post
I miss him everyday. Its been just over 6 years since he passed away and there is never a day where I don’t think about whether he would be happy for me.
Let me explain why I was so close to him. I can remember my Mom and Dad arguing when I was around 3 years old and me standing in the middle of them crying my eyes out. My Mom couldn’t stand the fact that since I had come along my Dad didn’t pay her full attention, he used to sing me to sleep or read me stories, until I drifted off and then would more than likely drift off next to me in my bed. My Mom didn’t like that he was so close to me, and wasn’t always there at her beckoned call.
Well when I was 4 my Mom and Dad split up, she moved to my nans and I was left with my Dad. She then met someone and ‘’fell in love’’. In a matter of a few months she announced she was moving to Australia with her new boyfriend as that is where he was living (when she met him, he was over visiting family for a year).
My Dad acted straight away and went straight to solicitors about having me live with him. Well my Dad fought constantly for me, whilst my Mom acted like she didn’t really care and basically told the courts that my Dad could keep me. My Dad won parental rights for me.
After my mom had moved my Dad became depressed and started drinking, nothing major at first but a few times a week. Through all this he used to look after me perfectly and would never go out when he had to look after me (he used to have one every couple of lunch times and on a weekend as I used to stop at my nans over night)
As I got older he went from drinking more, he used to go to the pub of a lunch time for 3 or 4 pints and then take me to the pub of a night and have 6-10 pints. I know what your thinking.. What a bad Dad, and I cant blame you, if I was in your shoes I would probably be thinking the same. But I honestly don’t remember it as a bad upbringing, I was always in school, I always did well, good reports etc.
This kept happening until I was old enough to stay at home on my own and then he would go out.
When I was 13 he got jaundice through him being a heavy drinker and I hated him for it and it caused so many arguments as he never stopped drinking. I know now he was an alcoholic even though he never drank in the house. I never thought he was back then I thought it was just him being a t**t.
His jaundice passed and went to the hospital for a check up to check everything was back to normal, he had a routine scan.. two weeks later and the results were back he had pancreatic cancer. He told me on a drive upto his favorite hilly place one day, I was absolutely devastated but convinced myself he would be fine. He told me he had to have an operation to remove the cancer. He was opened up on the operating table and then stitched him straight back up again as the cancer was to far gone.
The doctors told him he had 6-8 weeks left. He was lucky he lasted 8 months before the cancer ate his body up.
Thinking back to the day he passed away breaks my heart everytime as his last words were ‘f**k off’ I know deep down he said it as he was in pain but it still cuts like a knife.
I know he was never a perfect father in anyway, shape or form and people will think from just this that he was useless but he was my Father and No one can take that away. He was better dad than I could of asked for and I am grateful for the 15 years I got to spend with him. He was and still is my idol, and no one can take that away xx
