How have you all been? So now that you know that Cass 2.0 has landed, I felt it was the right time to look at how I have chosen to live my life over the past few weeks. I have realised that everything in life is not about "trying" to make yourself happy, it is about learning how to just BE happy. Now as I write this I am in the most intense nerve pain I have ever experienced in my legs...like hitting your funny bone over and over again. So being happy is not easy right now....being miserable, uncomfortable, grumpy and well sad is very very easy...so what on earth do I do to maintain my happiness?
One foot in front of the other!
Ever wondered why we don't walk backwards....of course you haven't that is a ridiculous thing to think. Well even though it may be ridiculous, it is a great way of looking at life. We walk forwards...we take a step at a time to move towards the place we have to be. Whether we are on our way home from work, heading out for a night out with friends, walking to the park...where ever we are going we are heading in one direction that takes us straight into tomorrow. With this in mind....why would we want to start going backwards.
As we are all moving forward, even if the past is still sat on our shoulders, we are still heading in one direction. This being my first thought process for attacking the debilitating pain I am experiencing right now....trust me I really am walking like John Wayne. However I know that by tomorrow I will either feel better, worse, somewhere in between...the fact of the matter is that I have no idea how I will feel tomorrow and that is the ultimate beauty of the future...we just don't know what will happen.
A small smile is a win for the day
Sometimes when you experience physical or mental pain....or the worst...both...it is hard to see the wood through the trees. You live in a miserable bubble clouded by everything you are experiencing. Days turn into weeks and you feel like you haven't seen even the slightest hint of something that will make you smile. Trust me I have been there, before you know it you have missed out on so many opportunities for fun that you honestly don't believe you are allowed to have fun. Like there is a higher force at play that is striking you down.
Can you change this? No, you cannot CHANGE feeling overwhelmed by pain, but you CAN begin to live for the now and the future, lessening the blow to you. I have begun to keep a log of things that happen throughout the day that have made me smile.....I know that sounds strange, but these are the things that keep me going and keep me getting up in the morning. Whether a work mate has made me a cup of tea, someone has said my hair looks nice, getting a message that makes you smile or getting into a fresh, clean bed after a long day. There are many things along the road that will keep you smiling, all you have to do is notice them through the pain...it is possible!
Remembering that nothing is set in stone.
One thing I have found really hard of late is that all of the plans that I had laid out for my life....have seemed to go a little wrong of late. I have found myself saying over and over again...why do none of my plans work out how they are in my head. Well this all comes down to control doesn't it. The fact that we cannot control the future, we cannot control what will happen throughout the day....that is what is so exciting about life! So we can lay out basic plans. I mean I know I will be going to work, I know I will have to take my medications etc, but when the day finally arrives it could end in so many ways that what is the point in planning at all?
Now as you probably all know by now...I am a control freak. Separate from the illness, I have always been a control freak. So the idea of not planning is completely terrifying to me. However I have now gone through 4 weeks of being in very little control it is a refreshing break let me tell you! Plans change, like I have to move in the next few weeks...did not see that coming....but am I scared....HELL no. It is time to embrace spontaneity! If I am too ill to do something I wont do it, I will live as I go along and I will be happier for it.
