It's been six months since I learned about his betrayal.
The monthly date remindersalways feel like a litmus test of how I'm doing and where I am in my healing process.
And every monthI hope this is the month I can finally put it all behind me.
Behind us.
I keep telling myself I can power through the healing
quicker than others.
I have always been an over achiever.
And every monthas soon as I get in that mind setthe wave of rememberingcomes crashing down like a tsunami
with the slightest provocation.
You seeI grew up needing to be an over achiever in my life.My sister had down syndrome and all the health risks that came with it.
So I always felt a need to over compensate for itor even more truthfullymaybe I was just trying to get my parents attention.
Either way all through school, college, careerand even raising childrenI felt an internal impetusto over achieve.
I really thought I could power throughhealing from Marital Betrayal.
I have now realized I can't.And I don't think that's even the riddle any more.
Six months into self healingmarital healingand my husband's healing
I am realizing the gift of this process.
We are at a point nowthat we can investigatetogether and separateat a deeper level
how we got there.
I call it a giftin that without the betrayalneither of us would be as investedin looking deep within ourselveswith the intent to honestly become better people togetherand separately.
As I heal more
I am reminded
that I had plenty of issues
before the betrayal
that I need to work on.
I am no longer willing to live a life of ignoring personal issues
that I can improve.
We have both committed to more individual therapyas well as our marriage counseling.
It's all been a very brutal processon both of usbut with the horrible dayswhen I feel my weakest, neediest, messiestI have been in this process long enough to know by now ....
There will be a next daywhere I will come together againeach time stronger from the last.
I need to give myself the grace of time
in healing.
I need to give myself the opportunities
to reflect and grow.
I need to invest in self care
like never before.
I need to invest in daily gratitude and beauty.
Six months inwe are finally beginning to get our house in orderbothliterally and figuratively.And that feels so good.
We went at least four months
with an unmade bed
gardens unattended
no flowers in the house.
This month
more than any other since November
we are retaking our house and gardens
little by little.
This month our house once again has weekly flower arrangements.
I am also slowly getting my artistic creativity back.Which in itselfhelps restore my own life confidence.Because it wasn't too long agoI felt so brokenI really didn't even know if it would or couldeven return.
But it has returned like a long lost friend.And boy oh boyam I glad!!!
I embellished my Costco umbrella with macrame garland
from Target's new Opal House collection.
I love it so much I have ordered enough to do my second umbrella!
In the end of reflecting on my month six
I am reminding myself
to
~ continue to invest highly in gratitude.
~give myself time and grace during my healing
letting go of my need to over achieve
it really has not served me well.
~ to remember the importance of self care
~ I am more committed than ever on continuing therapy
both for marriage and self.
Life is too short not to invest in all the tools possible
to live a better
more passionate life.
As always my friends
I wish you love and joy
as you style your life.
Here are my other writings on the subject
Surviving Marital Betrayal
Picking Up the Pieces After Marital Betrayal
Marriage Betrayal and Silver Linings
Month 5
