I was in the process of writing Month 7in June ... quite a bit into the writing ... on post betrayalwhen my mother died.
Then two days latermy middle son chose to estrange himself from the familyonce again.
My dad was in ICU in dire healthfive days after we buried my mother.
Our youngest son got married two weeks later.His Wedding Weekendwas a magnificent timefull of so much love and beauty.
So no surprise after the weddingI felt I was in an emotional downward spinand
fast.So fast and badit scared me to my core.I started to be afraid I might be able to see too clearlyhow Kate and Anthony might have made the choices they did.
I got in to see my personal therapistby Thursday.
He helped me untangle the emotional knots one by one.
He reminded me how much progress Jeff and I really have made.That neither of us are the same people we were 8 months ago.We are different.And so is our marriage.I began to breathe deeper.
Stepping backI realized I did the very best I could with my mother the last 8 months of her life.
Ironicllyas life often doesher health issues started about the same time I found out about the betrayal.
She missed Thanksgiving because of a broken back.She missed Christmas because of a broken hip.She was hospitalized again for pulmonary problemswas released homeand
was back in the hospital within 24 hoursbecause she broke her other hip.
All of this was happening while I was dealing with betrayal.
I visited her at least weekly.I think.I don't even know for sure.I was reeling so bad in my own life.I know I did absolutely as much as I could at the time.
I know her last month we visited regularlybringing dinner.I have been very cognitive during the last eight monthsof making choices I could live withif something went wrong.
I spoke at her funeral.We made sure the reception after was full oflove and beauty.
Regarding my oldest son choosing to once again estrange himself from the family.I bless him.Send him love.And accept his choice.
For me nowI realize life is shortI want to love on the people in my lifewho want to be here.I choose to live a life of beauty and joy.I refuse to continue to bleed out emotionallyover his choice.
I am so gratefulmy dad recoveredand was able to attend Hunter's Wedding Weekendwith my brother.There were a few days while he was in ICUI didn't think it would happen.
I am also so very gratefulthat I was able to savor and enjoy every loving momentof Hunter and Megan's Wedding Weekend!Life has been so hard latelyI have truly learned how to double downand immerse myself in the good.To drink in the good timesdeep into my soul.
I am so proud of not only Hunter and Meganbut also my daughter Ellis and her husband.I choose to focus on the good in my lifeand let the other go in peace and love.
I am also so proud of Jeff and I all of the work we have put into make our marriagebetter than it's ever been.
I am a big believerof taking the badlearning from itand making things better.
Then doing good with what I know
and
where I can.
To do this I will continue to use every Mental Health tool in my arsenal.Including weekly visits to my therapists.And Yes,I have two.Sometimes in lifeit really does take a village.
As always my friends
I wish you love and joyas you style your life
Here are my other writings on the subject ~
Surviving Marital BetrayalPicking Up the Pieces After Marital BetrayalMarriage Betrayal and Silver LiningsMonth 5Month 6
