I’m a 24-year-old gay male sex worker who recently got into a relationship. My partner knows about and respects my work, but he wants to be monogamous and feels like we have to be in an open relationship because of my job. I don’t mind being monogamous, but I enjoy my job and I don’t want to quit, but I truly want to be with this man because he is the most wonderful person I’ve ever met and has an emotional depth and maturity that is truly unparalleled. I was wondering if you had any advice or personal experience/wisdom you could impart.
Whether or not you can make this work will depend largely if not entirely on whether your partner can understand that sex work is work rather than a recreational activity. Notice I didn’t say “if you can make him see that…” or something similar, because although you can express the truth to him, you cannot make him accept it. All you can do is to tell him that if he wants to be monogamous, you are happy to promise him that you won’t have any sexual contact with anyone else unless money is involved; after that, the rest is up to him. You might also take a look at a couple of other columns I’ve written on similar topics; though they’re about hetero relationships, I honestly don’t think the dynamic would be all that different. And if you find them helpful, you’re more than welcome to share them with him. The most helpful column of all might be this two-part interview with my (now ex-) husband; even though we are no longer together, our separation was very amicable and had little to do with my work, and we are still good friends. His insights on jealousy and looking at my work as an outsider might help to give your partner insight from another man who’s been there, and that might do more to help him than I as a female sex worker could ever manage.
(Have a question of your own? Please consult this page to see if I’ve answered it in a previous column, and if not just click here to ask me via email.)
