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Mental Illness; What Do You Mean I Am Now Normal?

By Therealsupermum @TheRealSupermum
Mental Illness; what do you mean I am now normal?

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I visited my Psychiatric community care nurse last week as I have done for the past two years since I was diagnosed with a mental illness, cyclothemia they told me I had. My psychiatric community care nurse tells me I look well and she is discharging me from the mental health service.

” What the hell” I wanted to scream ” You can’t discharge me, I need you”.

Instead I say …

” But I thought someone like me with a mental illness needed to be supported”?

She explains to me that over the two year period I have been her patient I have shown incredible strength and dedication to live with my mental illness and I no longer need her. Cyclothemia is treatable as such with medication and as the dosage has been monitored carefully and I am able to live normally without having to visit a member of the mental health team, that my mental health will always remain somewhat different yet I manage it well.

“Manage it” I wanted to scream ” I don’t manage it, it controls me, I don’t want it, take it away”.

Instead I say …

“Are you sure I am normal”?

She laughs at me.

“You could do my job Emma with a blindfold and your hands tied behind your back”.

I think being a psychiatric community care nurse could be a possible career move for me, you have to be nuts to work with nutty people right?

I am normal. I have waited a lifetime to hear those words, but now I don’t want to be normal.

It has never dawned on me that having a mental illness such as cyclothemia would mean I was going to ever be discharged from the mental health services. I thought it would be there a life time. My psychiatric community care nurse has become a regular in my life, each fortnight I visit her for an hour. I can rant, let of steam too , unload my problems onto her and she listens. Who will I moan to now?

I have become dependent on the mental health team, my psychiatric community care nurse and my psychiatrist, what will I do without them, how will I cope? This is a frightening thought. I am now alone.

 

A Personal Post By The Real Supermum


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