Depression affects more than 6 million men annually. The erroneous message that depression is just a ‘woman’s disease’ misses the other important half of our population that’s right in front of our eyes – men. Depression in men that goes unnoticed results in men not receiving the treatment they desperately need.
Although similarities between the genders exist, there are differences in how men “express” their depression. Women more naturally reach out and seek support and say they feel depressed. They talk about their emotions. Women “tend and befriend”. Men do not naturally talk about their feelings. Many men are often reactive, irritable, hostile, and outwardly aggressive. Thus, the aggressive, hostile, agitated man is viewed as needing “needing anger management”. They are labeled an “angry man” – an angry man that cannot get his emotions – sadness, disappointment, feeling overwhelmed – under control.
Men are raised and socialized to contain their feelings and pretend they do not exist, attempt to fix problems on their own and not rely on others for help. Mask your vulnerabilities. Rein in and hide your emotions. Don’t appear weak. Be tough. Men often think, “those behaviors are more socially acceptable.” But sadly, that’s just an illusion. The truth is that men are hurting just as much as women but unfortunately are less likely to use the resources available to them to reach out for support. This keeps men hidden and thinking “its bad to feel sad.”
Another expression of men’s depression? Physical symptoms. Because men feel more comfortable telling their doctor about their physical symptoms – fatigue, change in sleep patterns, physical/chronic pain, or digestive disorders - rather than their emotions, this has become a more acceptable path in seeking help. Physicians recognize that reported symptoms are not just physical and could be a sign of something more serious. Many recommend therapy. Thus, men are more inclined to get help when recommended by their physician.
Men also hear ultimatums – those given by their their partner or spouse who is threatening to leave or their employer who threatening to fire them unless they go for help. Regardless of how they get there, a qualified clinician will see beyond the outward expression of anger, agitation and hostility and call it by its true name – depression.
Other Symptoms of Depression in Men:
Suicide. Men are four times more likely to commit suicide than women. Although women make more attempts, men are more successful. This may be due in part because men use more lethal methods – using a gun rather than pills – to end their lives. Older men are at highest risk for suicide, and doctors may miss depression symptoms in this group. In fact, more than 70% of older suicide victims saw their primary care physician within the month of their death. Depression is not part of the aging process.
Irritability. An often overt expression of their depression. If they do open up emotionally, their sadness is coupled with irritability. Their irritability is due to their negative thoughts.
Difficulty concentrating and indecision. There is difficulty concentrating on tasks or work. Chronic, negative thinking affects a man’s ability to concentrate and remain on task. A lack of concentration and the ability to make decisions is a common symptom of depression. Feeling overwhelmed, men shut down.
Stress. Men often report a stressful life – both at home and at work. This is more socially understandable and acceptable.
Anxiety. There is a strong link between anxiety and depression. Its often easier for men to discuss anxiety than sadness. Who isn’t anxious these days? Men will relate the anxiety to not be able to provide for their family or fearful they might lose their job.
Substance Abuse. This often accompanies depression. Apprehensive to share feelings or uncomfortable feelings, many men turn to alcohol or drugs.
Sexual Dysfunction. Depression is a common reason for erectile dysfunction (ED), though this is not the only reason as other medical issues and medications may create ED. Men may not disclose the depression but will report “performance problems”.
Depression is a serious mental illness. It significantly effects relationships, family, and work life in profound ways. We need to continue to work harder at moving the unspoken conversation about depression among men to a more vocal, spoken conversation. This is long overdue.
Are you experiencing any of the signs of depression? Not sure. Take the Depression Screening Test. Do you know someone who is experiencing depression? Help them get the help they need. Don’t wait to reach out.
