I like to experiment with memory foam mattresses.
For example I will often lay in one spot for a length of time then move. A few seconds later I'll move back to roughly the same spot then jump up shouting:
"HA! THAT'S NOT WHERE I WAS!! SEE YOU'VE FORGOTTEN ALREADY!"
It's a harmless bit of fun but it helps my night go faster, but does raise complaints from the neighbours when I'm still doing it at 3:30 inthe morning: I did have a set of memory foam pillows but I forgot where I put them.
But I guess the main reason for this post was I’ve been forced to complain to the manufactures of my memory foam mattress, due to a wholly unacceptable incident that happened a few weeks back. The following is a direct copy of my letter:
Dear Sirs,
Where as I would like to congratulate you whole heartedly on the comfort of the memory foam mattress I recently purchased from Finglebone's Emporium of Sleepy Heads, I would like to bring your attention to the trades description act of 1972 which quite clearly stipulates that a product must do what it says on the tin; and I believe that they actually used the 'tin' analogy in the legislation.
But I digress. My complaint falls mainly on my mattresses inability to recognize me. Why only yesterday afternoon I happened to find myself in the bedroom looking for a sock that had mysteriously gotten away from me during a very hectic sandwich making session, when I waved a hearty salutation towards the bed; a bed, I might add that I'd just spent an intimate night with, and it singularly failed to recognize me. I nudged it a few times but it just kept on staring into blank space. I can tell you I felt a right fool.
So in conclusion I would like a full refund or a new mattress; preferably one that has a memory and not, as I suspect is the case with mine, has a bad case of Alzheimer's.
Yours Sincerely
Karl Dixon
C/O The Daisy Hill Funny Farm
They still haven't written back...
Perhaps they forgot
