Fair warning: If we haven’t seen each other in a while and you can’t think of a single thing to talk to me about that isn’t “when are you gonna get married?”, then I reserve the right to throw balled up paper napkins at you until you go away. At this point, if you want to start a conversation with me about when I’m going to start my marriage or career, it had best be because you are about to either hire me or propose.
Gather round, kiddies, and let me tell you a story about the last time I visited home.
I was picking up my niece from her babysitter’s house, a friend of the family who has known me since I was collecting Pokemon cards. As we’re waiting for the little cherub to find her shoes and finish her I-duwanna-go!! temper tantrum, the neighbor inquires whether my boyfriend of two years has yet to, as Bey would say, put a ring on it.
Let’s be clear here. In the past year, I have:
- Moved from my hometown of 6K inhabitants to the city of Philadelphia
- Interviewed for and landed my first full time salaried position
- Had my first blog post published online
- Interviewed a respected industry professional
- Got a raise
- Signed a lease for my first for-realsies adult apartment
- Beat Dante’s Inferno on Zealot mode (Hardest. Boss Battle. Of my life. Just saying.)
- Paid down $2K of my student loans
- Accumulated more money in my savings account than I made the first year that I worked.
Of all these great topics, dear reader, what did this person want to talk about? Whether or not I had caught me a man yet. Welp.
Kitty is calling shenanigans.
I did not remind her of any of these things, I just plastered a fake smile on my face and said, “Yeah, but ya know, I’m not in any rush.” To which she replied, “And how old are you again? 24?” and just shook her head, sadly.
First of all. First of all.
I am 24 years old. It is hardly as though my ovaries are shriveling up as we speak. And even if they were, it is my gosh darned decision of what to do or not do with them, thank-you-very-much. Secondly, what the heck are you gaining from this? Why do you care? Explain to me, please, how exactly your life gets better once I’ve done all these things you’ve decided I should have already done? Are you offering to pay for the reception, because I don’t have the cash on hand and you seem more committed to this idea than me right now anyway.
But, you’ve probably been here before yourself, haven’t you? Oh, you got a job? Started an investment portfolio? Cured cancer? That’s great honey, but look! Your cousin made a baby! Not to say that making a baby and getting married isn’t cool and an amazing accomplishment and miracle of life and so on, but have you noticed that most of the milestones we celebrate for girls tend to only involve…well, dudes, and our ability to find/commit/procreate with them? I decided a long time ago that I don’t owe anyone any explanations for my marriage or career decisions… or timeline.
Because here’s the kicker–I’ve been down that road before. I got engaged in my junior year of college, and when that relationship ended, few people felt shy about telling me what a sterling idea that had been. Some of them even voiced that I had my priorities wrong when it came to my marriage or career. So why does it feel like everyone is all gun-ho about getting me hitched now? This isn’t the fourteenth century. I have a life expectancy longer than forty, there is no sheep dowry to be seen to, and it’s highly unlikely that anyone will have to find me a nice convent if I don’t secure a mate in the next five years.
We’re hiding from your invasive questions and unasked-for opinions about our life milestones.
Lots of you Career Girls may have chosen to focus on developing yourselves and your careers before settling down, and that’s cool. So is choosing to get married first. Point is, what the heck does that have to do with your personal sense of accomplishment, and why is that all anyone wants to talk about?
So what do you say, short of flipping Aunt Mitzi the bird the next time she decides to remind you that you’re unmarried instead of singing your well-earned praises for your impressive strides towards independence, success, and financial stability? For that matter, what do you tell Aunt Martha who assumes that your decision to get married means that you’re trading in the pantsuit and resume for a muumuu and grocery list? First of all, stop inviting these Aunts to your barbecues, they sound terrible. Secondly, remember that your accomplishments aren’t defined by everyone else’s expectations. (Which, let’s face it, are often more than a little archaic.) You’re never going to keep Aunt Mitzi happy anyway, that old bat.
But in all seriousness, how do you get your support network to take your accomplishments seriously when their idea of what a girl should do and when are still stuck in the Dark Ages? You tell them what’s important to you. You stand your ground, never apologize for what fulfills you, and never buy in when people try to convince you that you’re not actually happy. At least some of the people that feel qualified to give you life advice genuinely care about you, and hopefully that means that if it’s important to you, it’s important to them, too.
And if that fails?
This is the only image for “flip the bird” I could find that I’m actually allowed to use.
