This is the last post that I plan to write about our marriage infidelity.
It never gets easier to write about.
But I promised myself in the beginningI would journal
for a yearabout the processas much for othersfaced with the situationas myself.
I wanted to record and remember the journeynot only as a reminder not to once again go to sleep at the marriage helm
but
to also document what I have learned over the last year.
So many of the first months wereexcruciatingly hard.
I wrote about them
below ....
Surviving Marital BetrayalPicking Up the Pieces After Marital BetrayalMarriage Betrayal and Silver LiningsMonth 5Month 6Month 7 and 8Month 9 and 10
So many months
I really wondered
if this was something I could survive.
Which is why writing and remembering is hard
even
my closing here with
month 11 and 12.
But one of the best things I have learned along the wayisfeelings can flow in like ocean wavesand they can flow right back out again.
One of the best comments of advice I received on my blog was ...
'One thing that helped me cope with the need to revisit the pain and to distance myself from it was a "mantra" that I repeated over and over:
"I know and it hurt me very much but I have felt it and now I am letting it pass."'
Feelings and fears still come upbut I let them flow throughand ask if they are relevantor simply shadows of past woundstrying to vey for attention.
Jeff and I have spent the last year in marriage counseling
as welland still go monthlyfor what feels like tune ups.And just by going it is a reminder to keep our marriage a priority.
The path back to restoring the health and quality
of our marriage
was
hard and messy.
But we both persevered.
Neither of us ever wavered in our determination
to repair our marriage.
We both know our marriage is stronger than ever now.
We have both realized
how very much we do love each other
and
our life together.
I know my heart will always carry the scar of betrayalbut I can decide if that woundwill make me less or more.
I am choosingto have the scar make me more.
More loving.
More empathetic to the pain in others.
More resilient and strong.
More in the present.
More conscious of what it takes to have a healthy marriage.
More free to give myself grace and self care.
I am now tenacious with myself care
and
mental health.
I have never been afraid of visualphysical scarsbecause I believe they always tell a story.
Let it be so with emotional scars.Scars don't define a personwhen kept in check.
Emotional scars can help tell a soul storyand can be a heartfelt reminderto BE MORE.
So for anyone going throughthis journey in heartacheand wondering like I did a year ago
if you can survive.
Let me tell you YOU CAN Survive.
Whether the answer for you is to stay or go
only you can decide
but ...
You can survive itand choose to come out more.
The road is hard and ever so painful but the choice to
come out with moreis yours.
As always my friends
I wish you love and joy
as you style your life
Here are the links to the year of writing on
Marital Betrayal
Surviving Marital BetrayalPicking Up the Pieces After Marital BetrayalMarriage Betrayal and Silver LiningsMonth 5Month 6Month 7 and 8Month 9 and 10
