I grew up poor and lived in some really rough parts of town. I was always the new kid in a school where all the other kids knew each other their whole lives. I never fit in except with the outsiders. I was perpetually marginalized.
When I was 6 and 7 I lived in an all black school. I was one of 4 white kids in the whole school. Almost all my friends were black but I was still an outsider. All my friends were misfits and they never fit in except with the other misfits myself included.
So growing up all over the country with all sorts of people, I never understood why some people were in and others were out. I personally grew to see the worth of a person based on who they were and how they treated others. Racial, economic and religious divides I understood but could never relate to.
I quickly learned how to relate to and get along with people from all walks of life. All races, socioeconomic classes and religious origins I befriended and accepted. Thankfully no matter where I moved to next, there were misfits there to welcome me.
There were a few lessons I learned that helped me get along with damn near anybody:
1) You never know what someone's going to be prejudiced against, so let them do the talking and get to know them before talking about yourself.
2) Learn want people want, and what they will and will not do to get it. Then they become understandable and even predictable.
3) When in Rome do as the Romans do. It's better to be invisible than to stand out.
There are more but those 3 are the basic golden rules of getting along wherever you find yourself in this country or any other.
I've seen my friends beaten for being born black or poor or different from others in any way. I was always short and skinny as a kid. I eventually grew to 6'3. But still was skinny. But that's ok all the bullies were short. I can gain weight. What were they gonna do, gain a stack of phone books to stand on?
After living and befriending so many black kids when I was little I had seen pictures of black Jesus and routinely stated that Jesus was black as a statement of fact rather than belief. I knew the passages of scripture that backed that idea up. I believed it and even though my family or those at church kept saying Jesus' ethnicity did not matter, that that was missing the point, all that went by the wayside with outright contempt when I stated that Jesus was in fact black.
Now if the ethnicity of Christ is unimportant, which I do believe, then why does it become so offensive to suggest he was black? That shows me His race, Him being white is very important and possibly central to the belief of some.
There is intriguing evidence that Christ could have been black. Much more solid than believing the pyramids were built by aliens. It might not be true but it easily could be.
But for believing in this idea I was not called on in class discussions at church. If I spoke up it was as if I never spoke. No one made eye contact then. But heads would turn and eyes would glare as I walked through the halls and chapel as if I'd been caught pouring vodka into the sacramental water cups.
By the time I hit high school I lived with my paternal grandparents. So on the condition of allowing me to live with them I was forced to go to church.
At that time in my life I have never felt more unwelcomed anywhere than I did in LDS churches.
I felt such animosity that I fell away from the LDS church and then the idea of God seemed silly, arcane, and I felt that man made God to cope with reality and the power of his own intelligence and mortality. This lasted for almost 20 years.
I am 4th generation military. Some families all go to Harvard or Yale but my family all went to boot camp/basic training. So when I went in post 9/11 and it was the biggest decision of my life.
Failure was not an option. I refused medical treatment for a variety of illnesses and injuries. I graduated but no one in my family came out to see me graduate. I was the only soldier with no family present.
I was yet again alone and outside looking in. And because I wasn't super muscular I wasn't good enough to be a soldier. When I did well in a task or during training, it still wasn't good enough. Even when I graduated it felt like a hollow victory.
Then I went to my first duty station. And I got along pretty well with some soldiers but I wasn't as well built as most so I was still looked down on. More than a few soldiers I served with would do push ups next to me and make a point of doing more and doing them faster to show me and others I wasn't good enough. They laughed about it. Until it was time to run.
Then I was asked to lead the runs because I was so fast and I ran their arrogant and self important asses into the ground and then they whined about it. When I'd say they needed to train more just as they'd say I needed to train on push ups more they became resentful.
I gave up on thinking I could ever fit in. I gave up on thinking I was a real soldier. I never felt good enough. I felt like a fraud.
The hardest things I've done in my life, the most impressive things I've ever done and I didn't count them simply because I couldn't win the approval of those who would have never given me approval in the first place.
I'd felt like I was on the outside before but the Army was different. I was 4th generation military. I had no excuse for not being good enough, for not fitting in, for not excelling.
Because of my perceived failures in my military life and for feeling like I would likely get someone killed by my failure to be good enough as I was in the infantry(combat soldier). If I made any mistakes I could get someone killed. If I didn't do enough I could get someone killed. If I failed to do the right thing, if I failed to do it quick enough, if I failed to do it intelligently enough someone could die. That's a lot of stress and fear to instill in a person. And even if I do everything right I could still see my brothers in arms die.
I tried to talk to my chaplain whom I had never seen let alone met, but was told essentially that we all have problems and that a real soldier will suck it up and keep moving forward. I was also told if it looked like I was trying to get out of the Army I would suffer disciplinary action.
I acted like nothing was wrong. I joked around with the few friends I had. All the way up to just hours before I attempted suicide. I wrote about that experience in a post titled "You own personal Jesus." You can find it on the side bar to the right side of the page under my top posts of all time.
My insecurities are still there. They could eat me alive at any moment. But between meds, my wife and kids, my faith and Jesus Himself, I usually keep them in check. But just below the surface they are always there.
Because being marginalized has made me, more than anything, feel unworthy. It has made me feel not good enough, it has denied me connection and camaraderie.
The thing that has stood out the most of all these experiences which marginalized and ostracized me is that the very people who were the best at mistreating me were marginalizing me in the name of Christ. I didn't fit their checklist of normal or righteous so they loved only those who were like them. Who looked like them or thought like them or believed like them but they had no love for anyone else let alone their enemies.
The people who were best at making me feel worst were people who prided themselves on being followers of Christ. They were fans of Christ but they in no way followed the teachings of Christ.
Here's how inclusive Christ is:
31 When the Son of man shall come in his glory, and all the holy angels with him, then shall he sit upon the throne of his glory:
32 And before him shall be gathered all nations: and he shall separate them one from another, as a shepherd divideth his sheep from the goats:
33 And he shall set the sheep on his right hand, but the goats on the left.
34 Then shall the King say unto them on his right hand, Come, ye blessed of my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world:
35 For I was an hungred, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in:
36 Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me.
37 Then shall the righteous answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungred, and fed thee? or thirsty, and gave thee drink?
38 When saw we thee a stranger, and took thee in? or naked, and clothed thee?
39 Or when saw we thee sick, or in prison, and came unto thee?
40 And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.
41 Then shall he say also unto them on the left hand, Depart from me, ye cursed, into everlasting fire, prepared for the devil and his angels:
42 For I was an hungred, and ye gave me no meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me no drink:
43 I was a stranger, and ye took me not in: naked, and ye clothed me not: sick, and in prison, and ye visited me not.
44 Then shall they also answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungred, or athirst, or a stranger, or naked, or sick, or in prison, and did not minister unto thee?
45 Then shall he answer them, saying, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye did it not to one of the least of these, ye did it not to me.
46 And these shall go away into everlasting punishment: but the righteous into life eternal. Matthew 25:31-46 KJV
And here we see what Jesus thinks of those who have a checklist of righteousness versus an honest understanding of their sin and the desire to repent and grow:
10 Two men went up into the temple to pray; the one a Pharisee, and the other a publican.
11 The Pharisee stood and prayed thus with himself, God, I thank thee, that I am not as other men are, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even as this publican.
12 I fast twice in the week, I give tithes of all that I possess.
13 And the publican, standing afar off, would not lift up so much as his eyes unto heaven, but smote upon his breast, saying, God be merciful to me a sinner.
14 I tell you, this man went down to his house justified rather than the other: for every one that exalteth himself shall be abased; and he that humbleth himself shall be exalted. Luke 18:10-14 KJV
And immediately following this last passage we find another keeper which confuses many in terms of why the two passages were tied together. The context has been lost on many:
15 And they brought unto him also infants, that he would touch them: but when his disciples saw it, they rebuked them.
16 But Jesus called them unto him, and said, Suffer little children to come unto me, and forbid them not: for of such is the kingdom of God.
17 Verily I say unto you, Whosoever shall not receive the kingdom of God as a little child shall in no wise enter therein. Luke 18:15-17 KJV
The Pharisees thought they knew everything there is to know or maybe just all they "needed" to know. But children, by and large, are teachable. They are curious to learn more. They grow so fast precisely because they learn so fast and so much. But the Pharisees both ancient and modern will never grow because they are convinced they know all they need to know. Therefore they will never enter the kingdom as the kingdom is in part about continuing to learn and progressing on an eternal time frame.
I've been going to The Parliament of the World's Religions at the Salt Palace in downtown Salt Lake the last couple days. The Siks have been offering free Turbans and so today I got one. And wore it all day. At the Salt Palace going from booth to booth or session to session everything was fine until I set foot outside the magical bounds of the inclusive awesomeness that is the parliament.
Then I got glares, dirty looks and my favorite-people saying "I'm not racist, but.." Which is amusing in a way in that as soon as someone says I'm not racist but... They are about to say something that's racist as hell.
I have felt for only a day, and to some degree, what minorities feel every day throughout their entire lives. Kids thought the Turban was awesome but if they got too close the parents freaked out as if I was a bridge troll ready to feast on their young flesh.
People would go out of their way just to avoid me as if I was going to harm them in some way. Others would stare as if I were wearing only my Turban and just wandering around.
I only wore the Turban because I felt some solidarity with the Sikhs I've met the last few days. And once I realized I had in a temporary sense, stepped inside someone else's shoes and seen what it looks like and what it feels like to be someone else. I've had a small glimpse of what it's like to be "other" in a way I never have before.
In the heart of possibly the most religious city in the country, those who say they follow Christ, whose mission was to tell us we are all worthy of His love, His life and His Atonement, are often the best at making others feel marginalized, and unworthy and unloveable. Which is the antithesis of what Christ actually thought, felt and taught.
