Life Coach Magazine

Making Others Be Just Like Us!?

By Rusty @russellpurkiss

We have all been created equal, yet we are all different one from the other.  That is what makes life so wonderful, the world so colorful and life so amazing!  And yet, despite this wonderful difference, many of us spend a great deal of our time trying to make others just like us! We think, erroneously, that if others would just be like us, then we would get along so much better.  The world would be a better place if only we were all the same! This is a mistaken thought that we tend to have in relationships, in politics and on the workplace.

Why is not good in a relationship?

When we find our “soul mate” and fall in love, we enjoy our partner so much that the differences that are between us go largely unnoticed. We are so over-the-moon, love-struck, mesmerized and are just down right having fun, we do not notice the gazillions of idiosyncrasies that our new-found love has. Then, once the honeymoon’s over and realty sets in, you start seeing the areas that you are not so sure you like.  So many begin at this point to try to stuff their partner into their mold, trying to make them become what they are not.

It can be a pretty confusing period to go through to suddenly find out that, the love of your life, no longer accepts you for who you are but now

Making Others Be Just Like Us!?
has begun have you become what he or she would prefer you to be. Without realizing it ourselves, what we are really trying to do, is to get them to be just like ourselves so that we can now get along better. But this actually is not why we fell in love in the first place, in fact, by doing so it could be the very thing that will continue to separate you even more.

Once you have partially been successful in “cloning” your partner into someone compatible with how you think they should be, then enters the competition stage.  They finally comply with your wishes (or try to) and then you find yourself together with someone who will compete with you in everything you do instead of being themselves.  So, how do you avoid all of this and keep a relationship from this downward spiral?

Well, it is time to take a step back and make a list of all of the attributes that attracted you to this person in the first place.  Realize that it was not that they were so much like you, but that they were actually complimenting you.  Make a list of  all the things that you are thankful that they are good at and that they do that you are not and how they have completed you. Allow them the freedom to enjoy what they like doing most, as time spent on separate activities is healthy for your relationship and you will then appreciate your time together even more.

Why is it not good at the workplace?

The main goal you have in a company is to get the most done in order to accomplish the agreed upon goals and policies.  To do s, it does not necessarily mean to do it all in the very same way.  Follow the rules and policies of the company yes, but at the end of the day, the results are what you are looking for, not how they are reached.

Some bosses are on the look out for little “mini-mes”, but a good boss will be on the look out for those with some personality and initiative to find new and better ways to get the job done.  If you are trying to squeeze everyone into a mold, trying to get them to do things exactly like you, you could be squelching the very thing that could catapult your company into a totally new and successful adventure.  Do not put a lid on novelty, many of the most successful entrepreneurs have become very wealthy because they tried things that had never been done before, thanks to the contribution of other people.

Thank God we are all different, you need your co-workers as much as they need you as no one is the all-in-all and really knows it all.  So instead of getting everyone to be like you, be thankful for each and everyone’s personal talents, get them to work together in cooperation.  Can you imagine if our body was one big huge head and nothing else?  We would not get very far, in fact we would be totally unable to move!

Why is it not good in politics?

In the running of a country, if everyone were totally the same, believed the same way, and never questioned the other, we would be in a real mess!  Debate can be healthy, it is only when the different parties start to pick on tiny details that it then becomes a tremendous bottle neck and things can come to a literal stand still! You need the diversity in order to see the big picture, but what is it that we should be looking for through this diversity?  The answers that are necessary to keep the nation going forward for the better of the people of that nation.

It is not good to try to convince the other party that yours is the right party, this is silly, there is no right party, they all have their own strengths and weaknesses.  Having diversity in a country helps to avoid a totalitarian dictatorship, but it should never be a reason to cause total stagnation and lack of progress. It should stimulate thought and innovation which is what makes a country into a great nation!

In Summary

Diversity is a gift to man kind, not a curse.  It should be embraced, welcomed and accepted as a wonderful opportunity to combine two or more great people to form a more powerful entity.  We should never think that we have to try to push others into being just like us and thus robbing them of their individuality! Granted, it can be a challenge at times to work with others of diverse beliefs, customs or habits, but it can bring out the wonderful colors of a rainbow if you succeed!

Have you experienced situations in your life where someone was trying to make you into what you are not?  What was the result?

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