Diaries Magazine


By Owlandtwine
Last year on this day, my dad left this world.  
The next day, Valentine's Day, I wrote and submitted his obituary to the funeral home.  I must have known it was Valentine's Day because I made little love notes for my boys and bought them heart-shaped boxes of chocolates, I have photos to prove it.  But to be honest, the day is a complete blur in my sharp memory.   I also wrote a piece and published it on my blog, raw and loosely edited, processing - something about him being like a fragile bird and me holding his hand one last time.  Honestly, I've not gone back to read it since the week of his death.
I pulled up photo files of him this morning, looking at them with a sad calm and acceptance of what is.
I made sweet notes for my boys and slipped into the chocolate shop for little heart-shaped boxes of edible love.  I am here, and if there is one thing about me that has changed the most between last year at this time and now, it is that I love harder.  Way harder.  And I feel lightness deep in my soul that was never there before.
Today Sully and I held hands as we left the house for his Valentine's Day party at school.  He told me I was his valentine, I squeezed his hand in acceptance.  A chickadee jumped from branch to branch singing chik-a-dee-dee chick-a-dee-dee.  I looked up at the blue sky and smiled.  Thank You, I said.
Thank you for coming back into my life.  Thank you for rattling me to the core, and then giving me a chance to forgive.  I learned.  I did.  Thank you for this peace.
Wishing all of you much love this day and every day.  xo, katie

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