Awhile back one of my horoscopes read that “Sometimes, you need to learn how to let go, and you Gemini happen to learn fast. You’ll soon find a new equilibrium and you’ll be able to channel your moods and bio-rhythm. You’re discovering a whole new you.” Ironically the same day The Everygirl re-posted this inspirational quote. I don’t want to keep settling, I have so many dreams, goals, ideas and adventures I want to embark on in my life. Yet, often times I feel that I’ve been holding myself back.
It’s taking me quite some time to actually write this post, and even now, I don’t think I can fully express the road of emotions I have been on within the last three months, more like year. Confusion and frustration, has led to many nights feeling lonely and questioning decisions I had made for my career and personal life. Even doubting my abilities, but it wasn’t until recent trips back east, reuniting with family and friends that it hit me. I know exactly who I am, what I want to do, and where I want to be, but I just haven’t managed to be myself here in Tucson. All I’ve been doing is trying to find somewhere that just felt like home, but it turns out that it really isn’t where you are, but who you’re with that really matters. It took some personal battling of my own, before accepting that what I need to do is move back to the East Coast. I didn’t, and still don’t want to feel like I’m giving up, needing to go back to what’s known to me. But that’s not the reality at all, and it took many talks, or should I say have the sense talked into me, by very dear friends, that career-wise it’s where I have the chance to grow and lead me to where I want to be in the future. I have a love/hate relationship with New York City and New Jersey, I know that it definitely isn’t for me but I also know that it is what I need right now. The thing is, I’m done seeing it in a bad light, it is a completely positive opportunity that awaits me. See moving to Tucson, experiencing all that I have with my personal life, career, and everything else that life has managed to throw my way has only made me live, and learn more about myself, which wouldn’t have been possible if I hadn’t taken the leap of faith. I’ve come to realize that you live and you learn, that life has a funny way of showing us everything happens for a reason.
I miss being me, and after quite some time, I finally felt like myself when I was home. Even now as I write this, it makes me sad and frustrated that I can’t just pick up and do what needs to be done to make me fully happy again. But you can’t focus on the negative either, and although everything isn’t as I’d want it to be right now I’ve been staying extremely positive because I know it will all be changing for the better very soon. Plus what’s the use in letting sad emotions bring you down, the more positive I am the more fulfilled I feel. The reality is that life is too short, too precious, too unpredictable to wait until tomorrow, which is why I’m going to make the most of the remaining time I have here. This is probably one of the most personal posts I’ve written, but it’s something I’ve needed to express. I’ve found a gratifying ease and comfort with writing, which still boggles my mind since I’ve been someone whose always found it difficult to express how I truly feel, regardless if it’s through spoken or written words. I never thought when writing my first post that The Dreamery would be a way to creatively drive and motivate me, while being an outlet to clear my head and share the things that make me the person that I am. I’ll just keep choosing in favor of my passions and staying open, and I know that soon enough everything I’ve ever wanted will slowly begin to fall into place. So I’ll leave you with images from my life lately, and an inspirational quote that keeps bringing a smile to my face everyday…
“You will get there when you are meant to get there and not one moment sooner…so relax, breathe, and be patient.” – Mandy Hale
“Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.” – Robert Frost
