I’ve a couple newbie questions about blowjobs. First of all, any tips about making one intense enough to make the guy come? My boyfriend says they feel great, but not intense enough to trigger an orgasm (and yes, I do also use hands). Considering what he likes in handjobs, I’m probably moving too slow, but moving faster tends to lead to teeth. Secondly, while boyfriend and I don’t use condoms for oral sex, we have an open relationship and I’m beginning to consider acting on it – which would mean condoms for oral with any new partner. How can you really make a covered blowjob work?
I think I can answer your question without getting pornographic; at least, I’m going to try! So you’ll have to pardon me if I keep this as dry and technical as possible. I already published another column on this which you may find useful, but I feel I need to add a few things to answer your specific questions. Keep in mind these are general suggestions; all men are different, and their response to fellatio covers a pretty wide spectrum. Some men are so turned on by it that it takes very little to trigger an orgasm (I’ve met some who are immediately sent over the edge by eye contact), while others usually can’t orgasm from oral sex alone (this is often due to past experience with a girlfriend who made his life miserable if he came in her mouth). But the suggestions below apply to perhaps 70% of men.
As I said in the other column, the biggest mistake women make is using their mouths like vaginas. Enthusiasm is good, but most guys need more than just up and down; you can do that better with your hand. Use your tongue and lips, and remember the glans (the “head”) is the most sensitive part. Also, unless the guy has some kind of problem with it, there’s no reason your hands have to be idle; they can help immensely, especially when he’s getting very close. Furthermore, there’s no reason you have to concentrate solely on the penis itself; most men also like oral stimulation of the testicles and scrotum (though some are too sensitive and find it painful). The part of the perineum (the “taint”) directly behind the scrotum is also extremely responsive to oral stimulation while you use your hand on the penis, or finger stimulation while your mouth is on the penis. I found that even men who stubbornly refused to go over from pure fellatio often lost control when I used either of those combinations, especially the former; you can usually be more vigorous when using your mouth on the perineum than when using it directly on the genitals.
Condoms present several problems, some for the man and some for you. First, there’s the lubricant; most condoms are lubricated and most lubricant contains the spermicide nonoxynol-9. This substance has a numbing side effect in many people; on your lips and tongue that’s merely annoying, but on his penis it may make your job much harder. The lube also tastes pretty nasty, and adding flavors just creates flavored nastiness. The best condoms for blow jobs are therefore unlubricated and thin, so as to eliminate as many of the negative factors as possible. Even with the best condoms, you may find most of the subtle lip and tongue maneuvers pretty useless; if that’s the case you need to rely more heavily on stimulating the testicles and perineum with your mouth while using your hand on the shaft, as described above. Don’t avoid the traditional sucking entirely in these cases, but if you rely heavily on it you’re going to get sore and tired long before he’s close unless he’s really easy to bring off. If the condom seems to be interfering, it’s best to let your hand do the majority of the heavy lifting while your mouth works on uncovered areas, then go for the traditional posture once you sense he’s getting close.
(Have a question of your own? Please consult this page to see if I’ve answered it in a previous column, and if not just click here to ask me via email.)
