I've posted about this before but I feel as though I just need to write today and because this topic has been weighing heavily on my mind, I thought I should turn to no one other but this here blog to pour my heart out and vent with what's been on my mind and why.
Now I'm no idiot; I know that most people lie at some point or another in their life. And while I don't agree with any lying what so ever, I know it ranges from little white lies to life changing lies. But in my book, I don't even see a need for white lies. If you have to lie about it, you shouldn't be saying or doing it to begin with. If you have to question whether or not you should tell the truth, it's probably not the right direction to go in the first place.
Now I've been lied to by just about every type of person in my life; whether it be people I've just met, people I've known my entire life, people I don't care about or people that I care about more than anything. You name it, I've caught them in a lie. I joke that I should be a personal investigator because I can crack lies like I'm freaking Nancy Drew. I know when people are lying (most of the time) and I can just feel it. Call it a sixth sense if you will but if you're lying, I'll call bullshit on you and fast.
I just can't figure out for the life of me why people lie. Is it out of fear? Is it out of guilt? Is it out of embarrassment? Maybe it's a combination of all three things. I don't know. Because I don't lie. If I'm in the wrong, I will take responsibility for it and hopefully move on. But if there's one thing I can't excuse, it's lying. There is just NO reason for it. I don't get it. Period.
The biggest downfall about a liar? Once a liar, always a liar. I mean, if you lie once, why stop? I feel like compulsive liars almost get a high off of it. They get away with it once and they think "why stop there?" It's like they reach euphoria from lying and this truly baffles me because I know how it feels.
I know how it feels when someone comes clean. I know how it feels to catch someone in a lie.I know how it feels to be lied to about the same thing over and over and then have the liar finally admit it. You name it, I've been through it.
And I just don't get it. I know, I've said that a billion times and you're probably thinking "give it up, it's part of life, people lie." But I really can't stand it. I really have a no tolerance policy when it comes to liars and you know why?
Liars are cowards. Liars make me sick. Liars ruin things for the people who actually tell the truth.
And to be frank with you, I've just had it to the point where I will completely shut down if I find out someone has lied to me. It pushes me away and it makes me want to cut ties immediately. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I forgive but I certainly don't forget.
I know, rehashing the past just makes things worse. But to me, the past paints the path for the future. So with that being said, how can I just forget about lies from the past if I'm expecting lies in the future?
I'm as honest as they come; I will always tell the truth, even if it's something I'm less than proud of.I'm passionate. I wear my heart on my sleeve. I'm a lover. And I'm protective of myself and those I care about.
I honestly don't even know where I'm going with this post or how or why I'm writing it. But that's what I do when I feel like I have no one else in the world who understands how I feel. Because to be honest, I feel that I'm more disappointed than pleased by most people these days.
I expect to be let down.I expect to be lied to.I expect to trust no one but myself.
Is that a sad way to live my life? Maybe. But it's the truth. The world can be a beautiful place but it can also be a very ugly one. I try to remind myself that there is much more good than there is bad but every time I turn around, I'm slapped in the face by someone I love and trust or sometimes, even a complete stranger and yet again, my faith in the world is shattered.
So how do I move forward? How do I learn to trust again? Because even though people say they can change or that they're working on their faults, I can't help but question it all. Can people change? Are people sincere in their efforts? Am I an idiot for believing them another time?
I don't know that I'll ever get the lies out of my head completely. Because I feel it in my heart when people are lying and I know that they're scared of what will happen when the truth surfaces.
Trust no one but yourself. It may be sad, but unfortunately, it's true. And as the saying goes, the truth hurts. But to be honest, lies hurt more.
