My project for this week, in addition to being brave, is learning to Let Go and Stay Grounded. (But, I actually think this project will take me much longer than a week to grasp… probably more like a lifetime!)
Since I first started playing house with my kindergarten boyfriend, to chatting on aim with my middle school crushes, to going on dates to keg parties in college (what was I thinking??), to whatever dating is considered now, I have a pretty strong idea of what I like, how I want to be treated, and what I think caring about someone looks like. For the most part, I am correct.
However, there is still that other part. There is that unknown part reserved for people who do not think like me, act like me, or want the same things as me (aka most men). Things I do not readily understand. The, “what if I am expecting too much?” or, “what if I am misunderstanding?” part. Maybe this part does not need even to exist. Who knows?
The undeniable aspect is, that for my life right now, it does exist. The guessing game, the waiting game, the should-I-play-hard-to-get-or-not game is as much real as anything. No matter how hard I try NOT to play, I get sucked in every time. How do you not play Monopoly when the only currency in your life is Monopoly money? No choice.
Since I must play, I must also find ways of coping with the side effects when results do not pan out: anxiety, jealously, depression, hatred, violence, binge drinking, streaking, lesbianism, etc. Thus I asked myself, “What is the root cause of these problems?” My answer: expectations. I decided to let go of expectations altogether. Just cut them out! Already I felt better just thinking about it. Expecting nothing means disappointment is less and happiness can last longer. The less I sulk around and the more grounded I am, the clearer my mind will be for opportunity and enlightenment.
How the hell do you let go of expectations?! By reminding yourself everyday to rise above, let go, and be present in the current moment. Make a conscious decision. Believe that ultimately, we ARE figuring this out no matter how small each step feels. If all this fails… have a LETTING GO CEREMONY.
You do not need to do like Aishah and I did on a busy street like Burton Way, but I got to say that it was really fun. :)
The point is, physically, mentally, and emotionally let that burden of expectation go. It is not worth the pain. Meditate. Spread love. Burn some sage.
I am no where near where I want to be in letting my expectations go. I still get anxious and I still have doubts. But at least we are okay and we are trying and growing. Breathe. Let go and stay grounded. Plus, don’t forget that Cleo loves you!
xx,
Cleo
