Let us pretend for a minute that I am the NEW writer for this final season of True Blood, shall we? I say NEW because if I was the writer from the jump, things would be a lot different from what they are now. Since that is not the case, we now have to play ‘Let’s fix this mess called True Blood’! READY? OKAY!
The ESL Way!
EXCESS BAGGAGE
The first wrong to right is to get rid of the characters who are absolutely not needed. You know the ones who bring NOTHING to the story at all and are nothing but filler. One could argue that Bill Compton is not needed but let’s save that FUN for later shall we? *rubs hands together mischievously*
VIOLET
What is the point of her character? No one has an answer because there simply is NO answer. I don’t like people messing with JASON (who is not the brightest crayon in the box) especially from the likes of a bossy, cocky ass bitch who thinks her vampire shit don’t stink. She will be the first to become GOO in OUR final season premiere. NEXT!
ALCIDE
No, there was not going to be a half-naked picture of this man, not on this blog post! Alcide has overstayed his welcome in this viewers opinion. He is nothing more than a plot device and a very bad one at that. He is just the fourth or fifth? in an already highly contested triangle for a certain telepathic waitress’s affections. Don’t you know three is a crowd Alcide? You are next to die on my list. See ya!
JESSICA
I am sorry for those that love Jessica but I have not seen a point to her character in a long time. In fact, I feel sorry for her so I would be doing her a favor for giving her the true death. I would not want her MAKER if he was the last vampire on earth and let’s not forget she is an everlasting virgin due to her immortality. Who wants to go through that ordeal every time they hop in the sack? Enough said!
LETTIE MAE
With a Mom like that, who needs enemies? Enough said. You are not making it past the first episode of the season either because you are going to get your neck tore up by a Hep-V vamp. Poor Tara…speaking of!
TARA
Tara did have a miserable upbringing thanks to the likes of her mother and as a result boy was she bitter. As a human, she has the worst attitude and that became even worse when she was turned vampire. I did feel sorry for Tara for all that she went through but sometimes you have to let it go and not let it consume you. Since we know this is going to happen anyway in the real season premiere (we called it right) I don’t have to say she is next. It just has to happen because she should have stayed gone after she was shot. She would have went out a hero saving one of the best friends she ever had (though at times I daresay that friend did not deserve it). R.I.P Tara finally!
WILLA
I love Willa, I really do. She is smart, funny, witty and strong and Eric always picks wisely. I just wish it would have been done sooner. Eric does not turn someone lightly and he always has a reason so I wish Willa had been thought of for earlier seasons. Since I am essentially fixing the ‘excess baggage’ problems, Willa has to meet the true death. The point of her being turned was never made to her father as he did not truly grasp it so it was all for naught.
THE PROBLEM WITH SOOKIE
In this, the final season I would have Sookie growing a brain. She would have a light bulb moment, a wake up call if you will when it comes to Bill Compton. I don’t think she has thought about all that he has done to her in the short amount of time she has known him. Look, I know Eric is no saint and that no one is perfect but Bill and Eric are as night and day as any others. Eric has lied, check. Bill has lied, check. There are differences between the lies these two told though. Bill’s lies, from the start were all about his own agenda and following orders.
Yeah, he never turned her over to the Queen but we will never know WHY he did not turn her over. He was found out by Eric and was forced to reveal his so-called ‘double agent’ status. That whole storyline never made sense as his job was about spreading discord among the hierarchy so they would tow the Authority line. I digress because at the end of the day, this has all been rehashed and none of it matters anymore. It cannot be taken back or given a do-over, at least on the show.
That is where we all come in, the show is going to do what it is going to do. I love my Viking but I cannot realistically put these two together since Sookie has proven that she does not deserve him BUT I can have Eric offer her some sound advice about Bill Compton in the hopes that she will take it to heart. I know you have seen this before in the comments section on a blog post but I will post it again with a bit more added.
Eric: “I know you and I can never be, too much has happened and I am no longer the guy for you but Bill is not that guy either. If you feel that you are once again softening towards him because he is trying to make amends, remember that your relationship with him started on false pretenses and was built on a lie. Remember the timing and coincidence of your beating by two psychopaths and how he almost killed you. I have lied to you about things and some of them were for my own agenda but I would never have betrayed you in the fashion that Bill has. I would hate for you to end up unhappy and never find a semblance of that ‘girl in the white dress’ again. If I did not think it would wound you deeply, I would give Bill Compton the true death for what he has done to you. I would only do so if your life was in danger, I would not hesitate to so do. Know that I did and still do love you and knowing you has changed me and I did not think that possible. Thank you and I wish you well Sookie Stackhouse”
Sookie spends some time in fairy where she met a male fairy of her very own and she brought him back to Bon Temps, had some fairy babies and they lived happily ever after.
BILL COMPTON
As for him, he meets the true death by none other than Eric, who made good on his promise to Sookie. In a final showdown with this seasons big bad, Sookie was injured and bleeding pretty good and Bill once again could not control himself with the allure of her fairy blood, attacked and was draining her. Eric staked him directly in the heart and he turned to goo one final time. You know because that first time he did so should have done the trick. Eric was just writing a wrong and saving Sookie in the process.
ERIC ‘FUCKING’ NORTHMAN
If I still felt that TB Sookie could be deserving of Eric, I would have ended my above passage with Sookie differently. I would be perfectly happy with Eric sitting on his throne at Fangtasia, with that sexy smile and being the King of all Vampires and will Pam at his side as his progeny only. He may not be with Sookie but he watches over her and protects her, sending her the occasional gift.
I could have done better if I had more time but I wanted to get this post out because we are going to continue this ‘GAME’ by running a writing contest/giveaway on how you would write this final season based on the information we DO know. There will be more details coming soon in a blog post, we are still ironing it out. Get those ideas flowing and save them for the writing contest.
In the meantime, how did you like my half-assed attempt at an ending? I wish I had more time to indulge, I would have thought of more details. As usual sound off below!
