Since Sophie has gone back to school she has met up with a few people she hasn’t seen for a long time. I have also chatted to some friends who saw her during the Christmas break.
Basically the conversation starts: “How healthy and well she looks. It must be wonderful to know she is better and doing so well”.
My response: “Thank you she looks well, but underneath the illness still makes it hard for her to cope both mentally and emotionally.”
I usually get a look of surprise and then have to explain that eating disorders are not about being a healthy weight and looking happy. They are a mental illness and are a long time in healing beneath the surface.
I no longer get annoyed at these people who don’t get it. I don’t need so much to protect Sophie from such naive comments, but I do have a mandate to tell all who ask that eating disorders are a long term illness, they are an illness of the mind and full recovery is NOT determined by the weight or look of my daughter or anyone who has been ill with one. It is not the case of ‘taking a compliment’ or ‘thanking cheerfully’ the giver of the comment, but a time to gently remind and educate that these illnesses need to be taken seriously. My daughter may look well, but she has teetered on the edge many times this last year alone, we know what triggers her enough that she would prefer to sink back into anorexic behaviour.
For parents and careers it is important that you acknowledge this yourselves. Both for the recovery of your loved one and for the ongoing awareness of the illness. If you don’t acknowledge this then you can do harm at home by not understanding what is still happening in the mind of your loved one. If you don’t acknowledge this then others will never learn how serious and long term this is. Do not become complacent about this, nor allow others to get away with the shallow thinking that still haunts the diagnosis and recovery from eating disorders.
