Learn Through Play, Learn Through Pain

A few weeks ago I did a very silly thing, that turned out to be a great adventure. I started an online profile in a not-very-safe place; a website intended for some pretty sordid uses. I went there as an experiment; to see what I would encounter, what I would learn, what I would witness. I used a fake name and a fake location, and a photo in which I was barely recognisable. I started chatting to others on this site – people who were, for the most part, extremely lonely, and misunderstood, and full of shame. I shared hidden parts of myself with these people, and even allowed a couple of them into my real life. One of them started writing poetry about me and the things I spoke about with him. I never met this man, but some of the things he wrote made me think I made myself truly known to him, through those black and white messages. There were others, too; men less kind and humane in their desires, who saw me, and recognised me, and very nearly caught me. It is scary sometimes to feel seen my monsters, and loved by them for what they find in you.
masochism works learn through play, learn through pain. cornered, surrounded sharing a space closing in, from torrential rain driving towards, driving away. unnoticed hours choices, agreed, removed takes effort from two. sweating, balancing curves drops falling about you flooding in, filling your gaze link up days. out at night chance, chase, setup roguish quick persistent blunt modern girl stays busy dreams of other worlds, those who move through them. back to the room then, stories straps and tables working till she's unable to play reluctant passed concentration to instinct choices removed lead by the hair, performance time bathing, motion, connection, going blind never having to force a smile what led you to your wilder side?
(Author Unknown)