Herewith, Donald J Trump:
~Got his own birthday wrong when trying to vote.~Got his own father's place of birth wrong.
~Got his own wife's name wrong.
~Called his own son "Melania's kid" (he does get credit for getting her name right that time).
~Repeatedly wandered away from Melania because he forgot she was with him.
~Waddled away from signing ceremonies forgetting to have signed anything (at least twice).
~Asked where Giuliani was when Rudy was sitting right in front of him.
~Thinks he talked with "Tim Apple".
~Thinks his own Secretary of Defense is named "Mark Esperanto".
~Thinks people need to have an ID to buy groceries (at least twice).
~Thinks tariffs are paid to the federal government (numerous times).
~Thinks people don't know that President Lincoln was a Republican (which, of course, means he didn't know).
~Thinks he met the president of the Virgin Islands (he is the (so-called) president of the Virgin Islands).
~Thought he was in Fairfax when he was in Fredericksburg.
~Thought there was a mass shooting in Toledo when it happened in Dayton.
~Thinks we have a "Marine Core".
~Has a Russian Soyuz spacecraft depicted on his official Space Farce coin.
~Thinks Nambia, Nipple, and Button are all countries.
~Waddles around in public stuck to toilet paper (at least twice).
~Waddled away looking for a gigantic limo that was parked right in front of him.
~Thought he got "beautiful letters" from the Boy Scouts and the NFL (both of whom denied sending any).
~Called Detroit a "titty".
~Referred to the USA as the "United Straits of America" (maybe it will be by the time he's done).
~Thinks there were airports during the Revolutionary War and that we rammed the ramparts.
~Thinks he invented the phrase "priming the pump".
~Had Kellyanne Conway try to convince people "covfefe" is a word and his supporters would know what it meant.
~Thinks injecting people with light bulbs and disinfectant might be a viable medical procedure.
~Talked about the attacks on 7-Eleven.
~Thinks Colorado is building a wall.
~Can't even spell "coronavirus," much less, mitigate it.
~Thinks we can nuke hurricanes.
~Tried to pass off a hurricane map he altered as official.
~Thinks there's a "Noble" prize.
~Doesn't exercise because he thinks people have a "battery" that will get depleted.
~Thinks he personally redesigned naval warships to be "more beautiful" and "less expensive," like "yachts with missiles on them".
~Considers being able to waddle down a ramp at a snail's pace without falling over ("Look, Ma! I didn't even use the handrail!" and drink water with one hand are major accomplishments that he should brag about.
~Refers to himself in the third person so he can praise himself on the extremely rare occasions when he actually does his job.
~Uses pseudonyms like "David Dennison," John Miller," "John Baron," and "John Barron" to praise himself.
~Thinks increased testing spreads Donnie's Covfever.
~Brags about passing a cognitive test given to people suspected of having serious mental deficiencies.
~Thinks he visited "Paradise" California. There is no such place.
~Wanted William Barr to determine the "oranges" of the Mueller investigation (twice).
~Thinks astronauts travel in "capsicles".
~Thinks windmills cause cancer.
~Thinks we have a national park called "Yo! Semite!"
~Thinks there's a country called "Thighland".
~Thinks stealth fighters are literally invisible.
Now that we've covered senility, lets move on to creepiness:
~He said he would like to date his own daughter.
~He told a minor he would probably date her someday.
~Let Princess Nepotisma sit on his lap long after it was appropriate.
~Told Howard Stern he could call her "a piece of @ss".
--Speculated on Tiffany's future breast size when she was an infant.
~Walked in on teenagers, including minors, intentionally, in their dressing rooms because he thought owning the pageants made it OK for him to be a lecherous, leering old man.
~Has been accused of sexual impropriety by about 2 dozen women, at least one of whose lawsui is currently working its way through the legal system.
~Bragged about grabbing women by the genitals. Cavemen didn't even do that.
Thanks, Republicans.
Quite the guy you foisted on us all, pushed off on the nation.
You must be so proud.
So much winning.
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