A British woman who used to pride herself on doing kinky sex, now bemoans the disappearance of missionary-position "vanilla" sex.
Below are excerpts from Rebecca Reid's article, "Have we forgotten how to have 'normal' sex?," for The Telegraph, May 27, 2016:
As someone who took the "try anything once, twice if I like it" message to heart, I've never given vanilla sex much thought. You know - straight up, pretty pleasurable, missionary. No bells. No whistles. No leather.
But I'm going to say something I never thought I'd have cause to: I'm seriously worried about its future.
Over the last couple of years I've noticed a slow, but steady, shift away from vanilla sex. [...] At a dinner party a girl once told me I was the "most interesting person" she'd ever met, after I regaled her with stories of my sexual hijinks.
I'm not saying the only reason I'm invited to parties is to give an academic perspective on bondage, it's just always been part of my charm. But lately? The shock value just isn't there. [...]
Well it seems like we're getting raunchier . The British Sexual Fantasy Research Project have released stats this week, claiming that 62 per cent of Brits have had a fantasy about being either dominant or submissive in the bedroom. [...]
For a long time people who had fetishes felt ashamed and lived in the shadows. But it seems to me, things are inverting. Wanting to be spanked, tied up or verbally degraded is pretty standard fare - but wanting tender, loving vanilla lovemaking ? Apparently it's getting harder and harder to find. [...]
But what's worrying me, is that the kind of violent sex that once took place between a mutually enthusiastic pair - and came with negotiations and safe words - is now happening on one-night stands. [...]
I hear it again and again. Women go on online dates, end up in bed with a guy, and - without any negotiation or discussion - he tries to spank them. Or wants to have anal sex. Or a heavy handed semi-forced blow job. [...]
It seems lazy to blame for this shift, but I can't help thinking it has to shoulder a whole lot of responsibility. Films that feature slower, more intimate sex between a couple are almost exclusively marketed as 'female interest'. Somehow, vanilla sex - the type that would once have been considered 'normal' - has become a fetish or niche interest [...]
And because it's targeted solely at women, young men aren't growing up with exposure to it. Instead they're seeing anal, squirting, verbal abuse and fishooking (look it up, though not in the office) presented as a sexual fait accompli. [...]
Note: Fish-hooking is the act of inserting a finger or fingers of one or both hands into the mouth, nostrils, vagina, or anus of a person, and pulling away from the centerline of the body, in most cases with the intention of pulling, tearing, or lacerating the surrounding tissue, thereby risking permanent damage. Sometimes, the term fish hooking refers to a type of eye gouging.
Another possible culprit is the Fifty Shades of Grey phenomenon. When a book sells as many copies as a religious text it's unavoidable that it will make a mark on the worst of humankind. [...]
There's no shame in hating the idea of handcuffs and floggers. We're running a very real risk of making women who don't want to indulge in certain types of sex feel that they're prudes. And there's nothing sexy about that.
The moral of this story: Never underestimate the gullibility, suggestibility, and sheer stupidity of people.
See also:
