When I was seven years old in Sunday school the boy sitting next me told me to let him put his hand up my dress or he'd tell the teacher I was doing something bad. For some reason, a poor behavior report to my parents from the teacher at the end of class seemed to be the scarier fate. So I just froze and looked straight ahead.
A teacher caught him while his hand was inching closer and closer the hem of my dress. He jerked his hand back as she asked why it was there. He gave a lame excuse and she took it at face value. My two biggest fears after that: would he try it again and would the teacher tell my parents. Neither happened.
When I was in college, a frat guy put his hands all over me and forced his tongue down my throat on car ride back to campus while I pushed him off. He left dark marks on my neck from biting me. I made jokes about it the next day and covered the marks with makeup. I was more worried that people thought I was having a drunken make out session than the fact that he tried to get me to do something I didn't want to do.
After a work event (at a previous job) someone put his hand on my thigh, tried to kiss me, and invited me to his hotel room. I shyly said no like I was the one in the wrong. He texted me after I left asking why I didn't want to come. I never answered. The next day, I told the story in my typical joking manner to a friend. I was shaken, but I figured (or at least hoped) it would be a one time thing. It wasn't until he started making sexual innuendos in the office on a near daily basis and sending inappropriate texts that I put a name on what was happening to me.
I have had more inappropriate encounters with men (and boys) than I can even touch on in a single blog post. These three were the most memorable...and left the biggest stains.
I've always cared about what people think. When I was a little girl I was worried about what my parents might think. In college I was worried what my friends and classmates might think. As an adult, I worry about what EVERYONE might think and my livelihood.
The reality is, I blamed myself even though I shouldn't have. So I guess I just wanted to say me too. It happened to me too.
