Dating Magazine

Is Your Ex Boyfriend Just Using You For Sex? Here’s How To Get Him To Commit

By Louise Hadley
Is Your Ex Boyfriend Just Using You For Sex? Here’s How To Get Him To Commit

Well, we all know how it always happens.

"My ex called me the other night and told me he really missed me. So, he came over to my house and we had a great talk and he updated me on new things that were going on in his life. He ended up hugging and kissing me. And we had the most amazing sex ever."

Is It A Good Idea To Sleep With Your Ex After Breakup?

I am sure that you have heard from either friends or relationship experts that it is a terrible idea to have sex with your ex because you interrupt your healing process and would end up getting hurt again.

First of all, we need to understand what you are looking for at that moment.

Are you completely over your ex and just looking for casual sex since you are not seeing anyone at the moment?

Or you know it is just a one time thing which you think can help you get some closure and you are sure that it will never happen again?

Or do you still have feelings for your ex and wish that you two could get back together again?

In the first two scenarios, you might think it would be okay because you know it is just sex and you are not going to get emotionally involved.

However, I need to tell you that you might not be looking for anything serious at the start. This could well change over time, especially if you are not able to separate sex from feelings.

In the last scenario, generally it is not a good idea if you want to reconcile with your ex, especially if you are a girl.


Women and men view sex differently. Woman tend to grow more attached to the man she is sleeping with, but men can be emotionally detached when it comes to sex.

Besides that, you are taking away a very strong incentive for your ex boyfriend to want to get back together with you.

Yes, the incentive is sex.

Sex can be a great motivator for men. When you offer sex to your ex without him working for it, you are unknowingly hurting your chances of making him want to get back together.

To men, friends with benefits arrangement with an ex girlfriend is like a dream come true. They can get their sexual needs met without all the responsibilities and commitment that comes with a serious relationship.

Why Do Some Women Still Sleep With Their Ex Boyfriend?

It simply boils down to two reasons: fear and hope.

Some of you might be worried that if you say no to your ex's sexual advances, you might be pushing your ex away and shutting the door on a possible reconciliation.

That is just plain illogical thinking and irrational fear.

Yes, it is possible that your ex might not be happy at first when you tell him that you have decided to stop sleeping together with him.

But, you need to think about the big picture and your end goal which is to get back together with your ex.

For that to happen, you might have to make some hard decisions and stick to it.

Stopping having sex with your ex is one of these decisions.

Sometimes, it might be tempting to give in to your own sexual desires, especially if you crave intimacy with your ex whom you are still in love with. Just remember that exercising self-control in this case can go a long way to helping you salvage your relationship.

Another reason why some of you continue to sleep with your ex is that it gives you a sense of hope that your ex's feelings for you might come back over time.

I hate to tell you this. But this is just false hope and self-deception.

You might even be desperately looking for signs to justify your decision to sleep with your ex boyfriend.

Sweet words or loving gesture from time to time are being interpreted by you as a sign that your ex is falling for you again while glaring red flags are being conveniently ignored by you.

If you are doing this, I want you to take a step back and think logically for a moment.

One of the ways to determine whether your ex boyfriend is interested in being a serious relationship with you again or just want to have no strings attached sex is to observe your ex's actions.

Words can lie. Actions won't.

Is your ex's action consistent with with someone whom genuinely wants to have a long term relationship and sees a future with you?

Let's look at an example below:

Your ex boyfriend told you he missed you, and you two had a good time talking and laughing. Then, you kissed, hugged and then spent the night together. But, just when you thought you felt something special between you two that night, your ex would disappear for days afterwards (no phone calls or text messages).

Then, the next time you hear from your ex, it might just be a booty call, asking you to meet at his place or him at your place.

No romantic dinner dates. No movie dates. No going to party as a couple.

Are you satisfied with this kind of arrangement?

Is this what you want?

I am sure your answer is a definite NO.

So, what should you do?

First, you need to realize that you are giving your ex the permission to treat you this way. To your ex, you are always just one call or one text away if he wants to get laid.

Next, what you have to do is to tell yourself that you deserve to be treated with respect.

If you don't even have respect for yourself, how do you expect other people to show respect to you?

Another reason you are reluctant to stop sleeping with your ex is that you have low self-confidence. In your mind, sex is the only thing that you can use to keep attracting your ex back to you.

However, a healthy and successful relationship is not built solely on sexual attraction. And sexual attraction can fade.

If what you are after is a long term committed relationship with your ex boyfriend, you need to avoid sleeping with your ex boyfriend and start building attraction the right way.

How To Make Your Ex Boyfriend Want To Come Back Without Sleeping With Him?

You know that your ex boyfriend is sexually attracted to you. You can use this to your advantage.

How do you do that?

You need to show that if your ex is willing to commit to a relationship with you, then what awaits him is the most amazing sex he will ever have. In other words, you dangle sex in front of your ex to motivate him to want to get back into a relationship with you.

A good way to do it is sexting with your ex boyfriend to pique his interest. Just when he is expecting to get some from you tonight, you change the subject or end the conversation. And more importantly, you tell him that you have made plans tonight if he wants to meet up.

Remember that being too available and easy to get is not going to help make your ex fall in love with you.

A word of caution: keep your sext playful and sexy and avoid sounding slutty.

Of course, dangling sex in front of your ex boyfriend is not enough, but it is only part of the overall action plan to get your ex back.

For more strategies & tactics to get your ex back, click one of the pictures below:
Is Your Ex Boyfriend Just Using You For Sex? Here’s How To Get Him To Commit
Is Your Ex Boyfriend Just Using You For Sex? Here’s How To Get Him To Commit

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