The scariest thing about Peeple-an app set to launch in November that's been described by the Washington Post as " Yelp, but for humans"-is that two women thought that the world needs a shortcut to evaluate fellow human beings based on third-party content rather than actually getting to know them. Based on its description, the app has the same flavor as Rate My Professor, but on Peeple your coworkers, long list of ex-lovers, and friends are all fair game, as long as you have their phone number, can confirm you're 21 years old, and can link an established Facebook account. The Internet response has been largely negative, and there are petitions circulating to stop the app, but while many are calling it the "burn book" of apps, the inherent potential for mean-ness on Peeple is the tip of the iceberg.
I've met my share of one-star people. I've dealt with people so horrible that I secretly wished for a universal database where I could malign him or her on a grand scale, with a reach far enough that even people in Switzerland could read my review and recoil in disgust at such a reprehensible specimen of a human being. It's a petty feeling-no different than wanting to personally fire the waitress that tells you the kitchen ran out of chocolate pudding-that usually lasts anywhere from five minutes to 48 hours. While I think that universal database longings are completely healthy in most situations, they almost always subside when cooler heads prevail, but if there's an app on your home screen that promises you the immediate gratification of Game of Thrones- style shaming someone-a feeling that's as satisfying in the moment as drunk texting an ex after too many $5 martinis-can we rely on ourselves to pass that up? Peeple gives that fleeting fury a forum to be actualized and rests the abstract notion of karma in the hands of every random who's still got your digits in their phone.
Don't get me wrong, if a person truly wants to put someone on blast, they have plenty of ways they could do it pre-Peeple. They could submit a person to TheDirty.com, which is essentially the anecdotal blog equivalent of Peeple. They could screenshot someone's private text messages and post them on Instagram. They could write a story about them. None of these are relatively difficult to do, but they require more effort than opening an app with a few taps. Peeple gives our appraisals of each other a real home that extends beyond our circle of friends. It creates a place where holding individuals to our own subjective moral or ethical standards is encouraged as a noble public service the same way we rely on Yelp to tell us when the fries or too salty or the steak has too much fat. It uplifts the notion that our lay opinion of someone else is so important and enduring that others should have the privilege of seeing it. But Peeple isn't just worrisome for people who have crazy exes or a lot of enemies like Drake-what impact could this app have on a person's livelihood?
Many employers review job candidates' social media as part of the hiring process. That review often includes social media screens that can turn up anything from an embarrassing college photo to a joke you made on Twitter about meth. Employers generally aren't concerned with context, so even if you've got a great explanation about why a permanent marker penis was drawn on your cheek in March 2011, they probably won't be sticking around long enough to hear it. Historically, we've each controlled out destinies when it comes to our online presence, but what happens when the ex that isn't over it or the babysitter that you fired can impact your brand? At best, you gain a collection of warm fuzzies about you that accurately portray you as the flawless saint that you are. At worst, your profile on Peeple could become a hub for character revenge porn that makes HR think twice about extending you an offer.
So now we're all doomed to be single and unemployable, but it's all good, because soon we'll be able to identify the best things or the ickiest things about people without wasting time on getting to know them the old fashioned way. It's 2015, after all. Forget swiping right or left, we need to review character assassinations and real testimonials. Because, I don't know about you, but every time I meet someone new, I think to myself, "I wonder how strangers whose opinions hold no significance with me would review this person. If only there was an app that I could use as a tool to help me decide how I feel about this person based on everything but my own empirical observations... The world would then be complete."
Katie Hoffman is a writer living in the suburbs of Chicago. You can follow her on Twitter and Instagram @bykatiehoffman.
