What is happening to me? I thought Menopause was over. Did you know that once you hit “post menopause” you never leave it? Kinda like The Hotel California. And once again your body will turn against you in ways you don’t even understand. Is this God’s sense of humor? The other day I sneezed so hard I thought my vagina was going to fall out! What the actual HELL Y’all? How’s your midlife going?
Losing weight is an absolute joke. Over the past year I have lost about 38 pounds and now it has just stopped. I gave up Cola! I gave up Cake! I drink so much water now you can hear my stomach actually sloshing! But when you get older the weight wants to stay with you apparently. I’m working with my very young doctor about this and she’s like, you need to start working out more. Bitch I am 56 and can’t tolerate heat, have lost all muscle mass and I have asthma attacks just walking in the gym door. Give. Me. Medication. So, stayed tuned for the weight loss journey that most likely will fail.
Now I’m finding dark spots. Nobody prepared me for this. Large patches of discoloration on my face. Looks like I’ve been punched in the face. Dark spot covering makeup is expensive and a royal pain in the ass. Someone said they are badges of honor for us older ladies. I almost punched her to add another badge of honor. What is wrong with people? But then there’s cosmetic surgery. That costs an arm and a leg. And I need $$ to keep up with this economy. And flying to Mexico for a cheap nip/tuck is not my style. I’d end up a human mule for a cartel and thrown in a Mexican jail and I’m too exhausted to try to escape. And I don’t like Mexican food.
Then there’s the whole heat thing. I used to love summer. The hotter the better. Now I start to feel lightheaded and dizzy 10 minutes in the sun once the temp hits 74. Thank God for AC! If we ever have to give up AC, I’m out. I think my dog feels the same way.
Other than that, I’m good. Tell me how you are. Let’s commiserate!
Peace, Love, and Margaritas Y’all!
