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The words come out off the nurses mouth “Your pregnant”. My heart sinks, my eyes start watering and I’m staring into space. The nurse assumes – “I guess you want to book in for an abortion”?. I nodded my head, I left the room and broke down into tears to my friend waiting out side, I had to go back to school for the day and it was just all a blur, I couldn’t believe it. I was 15, far to young to even be thinking about being a mom. After school I collected all the info about my abortion and it still hadn’t sunk it yet.
A few days later I begged and pleaded with my friends, asking if they’d come with me to the clinic, they all said no. I was left on my own. The day had arrived for me to go, I woke up and set off to the train station. I remember it like it was yesterday, I had spilt pop all down my mums white hoodie, I ran to the toilets and started scrubbing at it, again I broke down into tears. I got on the train and put my headphones in blocking out the world, I didn’t know what to expect.
I got off the train and walked up the road to the clinic, I got there and had to have a scan to date how far I was. I was 16 weeks, I waited till I was called in for my bloods taken and then I got asked reasons why I didn’t want to keep my child. I explained “I’m to young, I couldn’t cope” . Then she booked me in for a bed as she called it, she told me I’d have to give birth to it. I looked in horror she said “I bet you wish you wasn’t so far gone” and chuckled like it was a joke!?
I went home and hid all the papers in my draw. The week passed and the day dawned for me to go back. I couldn’t do it.
I couldn’t give birth to a baby dead.
So I didn’t .. I carried on as if I wasn’t pregnant, it got to 7 months and people started noticing. I got called to the councillor at the schools office, she asked if I was pregnant. I said “no” she knew I was. Later that night my mom got a call, I ran to my boyfriends to get away .. I went home later on and she said it was all going to be OK . I was so relieved.
And now 5 years on I couldn’t imagine my life without my little princess she’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.
I’m glad I didn’t have an abortion.
This post is an anonymous confession – would you like to share your own?
