Diaries Magazine

I've Been Doing It All Wrong

By Chardonaldson
I had a light bulb moment the other day. A revelation that rocked me to the core.
I've been doing it wrong. Me, who rarely gets anything wrong. Or, more accurately, hates to admit getting anything wrong. And I've been getting it wrong for about seven years now without even realising.
Oh the shame!
The moment of clarity came when I was writing my last post - about my secret stash of food in the pantry. It's on the second top shelf. Right at the back. Far from the grasp of sticky little fingers. It's been my secret stash spot from the moment I realised that the boys were physically capable and cunning enough to drag a stool over to the pantry, climb up and pilfer the good stuff. And by good stuff I really mean bad stuff.

I've Been Doing It All Wrong

They might look innocent but these three inherited their mother's sweet tooth.


My desire to not have to share has been an historical one.
My secret stash spot has served its purpose since its inception. I can't remember a single incidence of food theft from it. (Mind you I usually can't remember the third item on a grocery list that's only three items long so that's not saying a lot.)
So its location has stayed the same for over two decades now.
And then the realisation on Monday. That I'd been doing it incredibly, stupidly wrong. I have been the shortest in the family now for at least seven years so why am I hiding food up high out of the little kiddies reach?!!

I've Been Doing It All Wrong

Who's the short one now?


I AM the little kiddie. And I often have to drag a stool over to be able to find exactly the right packet of wrong food that my food entitlement is telling me that I deserve.
I've Been Doing It All Wrong

So what do I do now. Do I change my secret stash site? Chances are that if I do I'll forget where the new site is and the food will be lost forever. Or at least until I do my bi-decade annual pantry cleaning. The word annual is probably superfluous and misleading in that sentence so you can mentally delete it. I've only put it in there for my mother-in-law's benefit so she'll think I don't actually feed her son food that expired five years beforehand. 
Or will I continue to hide my food up high and be forced to maintain muscular strength, balance and agility well into my tenth decade of life? 
I'm thinking it'll be option number two. If I'm planning to keep running till I'm really, really old (and I am)  I'm sure I'll still be wanting to eat naughty, non-paleo, gluten-full, I-didn't-quit-sugar types of foods till I'm really, really old and my memory will be even worse then so I'd best let sleeping dogs lie. Hell hath no fury like a ninety year old woman who's just finished a 5k shuffle and is fanging for a packet of Red Rock Deli potato chips with sea salt. Plain - not sweet potato.

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