I suffer for a lot of reasons.
I suffer as a way to protect myself.
Because if I do things the hard way, I can wear my suffering like a badge of honor.
A trophy.
A signal to the world that I’ve paid my dues.
A sign that I’m worth paying attention to.
A symbol of experience, wisdom, and lessons learned.
If I don’t suffer, my words don’t have a lot of weight, clout, or resonance.
After all, nobody takes a girl without battle wounds seriously.
I also suffer to keep myself in survival mode.
Because if I stay in survival mode, I’m ready for anything.
I’m safer from harm.
I’m prepared for the unexpected.
I’m on my toes.
If I stay in survival mode, maybe I can avoid devastation, disappointment, and loss.
Because everyone knows disaster always strikes the moment you let your guard down.
I also suffer so others will like me.
I cause myself suffering as a safeguard against loneliness.
I make things harder for myself for fear that if things get too easy, everyone will leave.
Because a strange thing about society is… everyone roots for the underdog.
People really like the drama, the hard work, the blood, sweat, and tears…
We, as humans, like to commiserate and bond over the hard times.
We empathize with those who suffer.
We help them.
We build them up.
We celebrate their victories.
And, we’re not very accepting of those who don’t suffer.
The girl that is beautiful, smart, kind, wealthy, influential, powerful… and free of suffering? Without a dramatic story?
We don’t really know what to do with that.
It’s hard to accept.
It’s annoying, even.
We prefer the suspenseful version.
We prefer the drama.
But, what if it just comes easily?
What if there is no struggle?
What if there is no triumph over gut-wrenching circumstances?
What if it doesn’t have to be hard?
What would that even look like?
Who would be friends with the girl who got everything she wanted with very little effort?
Would you like her if she didn’t suffer?
Would you celebrate with her?
Would you cheer her on?
Would you stay?
Somewhere deep lies a craving for suffering.
A belief that with suffering comes safety.
… safety from the unknown.
… safety from change.
… safety from having to challenge beliefs.
… safety from being alone.
It’s time to ask yourself a big question… do you actually want it to be easy?
Or, are you causing yourself suffering in the hopes that it will make others like you? Root for you? Stand by you when the victory comes?
Are you making it harder for yourself as a way of building a safety net?
In my experience, suffering doesn’t bring you closer to others. Not in the way you hope for.
Because commiserating isn’t connecting.
Complaining and wallowing over cocktails isn’t real friendship.
Those who cheer you on only after you’ve suffered for years… those aren’t real allies.
So today, I’m giving up the romance of suffering.
I’m renouncing the struggle.
I’m going to let it be easy.
I’m going to give up the hope that everyone will like me if I suffer.
I’m going to have my own back, and I’m going to let that be enough.
I’m going to trust that a life of success, happiness, wealth, influence, and peace is also a life of extraordinary friendship and connection.
I’m going to trust that if I give up suffering, I’ll have more room for love.
And, I’m going to trust that even if it is easy for me, you will stay.
And, we can shine together.
