Culture Magazine

I Suck, I Am Awesome

By Flemmingbo
I suck, I am awesome

In the spotlight at Zouk Singapore, by Charlene Winfred.

I am the worst commercial photographer in the world. I am a niche photographer, actually a niche within the niche, and I only like and want to do one thing – music photography. And actually, I am not a generic music photographer either, I only work inside the electronic music scene, the music that I breathe, bleed and love. Over ten years working in photography and I have peeled it down to just my all obsessive passion: documenting the electronic music scene. I am not a full-time professional photographer, nor have I ever been. Always made money on the side with various other stuff, like Coffee and Magic. No corporate portraits, drones, weddings, commercials, sport, celebrity red carpet shoots, no weddings for me. Nothing. I shoot what I like. Told you, I am the worst commercial photographer in the world. I know I will never make a full-time living from documenting the electronic music scene, and I have to soon find another job on the side to fund my passion. I am now ok with that. I have to be, it is the only way to fund my passion, unless there is a really rich angel investor out there for me!? Holler if that is you!

This happens daily in my brain:

“I suck. My pictures suck. Everyone’s better than me. Luckier than me. I am way too old. I am a dinosaur in a scene of young people. I am tired of the photography world. I am broke, I have had my run. It will ruin my life. It is too hard. I am going to give it all up. Oh, and I suck!”

Then I get to be part of a great event and the loud beats are like rocket fuel for my brain:

“This is what I was born to do. This music is the best I have ever heard. These pictures will be the best I have ever made. I will work harder, I will make pictures that stand out, I am relevant, I belong here, I love this, I wish this music never ended. I am awesome, this feels right.”

And then repeat that on and off every other day. Welcome to my brain. Is this normal? Does your brain work like this?

I am still Dreaming out Loud as I wrote about last year. I still want to be the best music photographer in the electronic music scene. I am awesome. I love every chance I get to document a great event. But I also want to give it all up. I suck. My pictures suck too.  There’s a 50/50 chance this heavy rocket will blow up on the launchpad. But how will I know if I don’t light the engines. But those engines will bankrupt me. But then, I might get to go to Mars…

There are voices in my head. Thank you for listening to us. Stay tuned!

§

I suck, I am awesome

In my element, Zouk Singapore. Screenshot from our movie “Dual Vision”.


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