Aged 16 I thought I was the bee’s knee’s trying alcohol,smoking weed and sleeping around so that I felt like part of the ‘group’. I remember with my first sexual experience I drank my self into oblivion so I could get it over and done with. I never thought about protection so it was no surprise that just before my 17 th birthday a pregnancy test revealed the news I feared . I was going to be a mom. I wasn’t ready, I had no idea who had fathered my child because i d slept with 3 people at the time of conception. Yes wrong I know but I was young didn’t have a care in the world.
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I told my parents I was pregnant, I had a mixed reaction but they came to the conclusion I would need to leave home. I was placed in a hostel and told that once a flat or suitable accommodation became available they would consider me. The hostel was awful music was played until the early hours, fighting daily and a lot of drug taking. I needed to get out I needed to leave!I was a hormonal wreck jobless, homeless and now my ‘friends’ slowly disappeared.
I went to all scans alone and at 6 months pregnant I spoke to my key work who explained that if I hadn’t found accommodation by the time I had my child they would need to move me to a baby and mothers unit. This petrified me. I needed to get money I needed to raise enough money to pay at least one months rent and one months deposit so that I was able to get a ‘home’ for I and my child. Loan companies wouldn’t touch me, loan sharks scared me, my parents refused to help I was stuck. I knew I needed money and I needed it quickly. I had 12 weeks left. I was desperate.
I started to have sex with strangers for money.
Shameful I know but I needed, wanted to provide a home for myself and my child. I only had the very basics for my unborn child. I knew I would need to do whatever I could. I joined an online website that had a section for people paying high prices to have sex with a pregnant women. Many men found it to be a fetish it turned them on. I would chat to the men online for a few hours maybe a day then they would arrange a place to meet normally a hotel. I was stupid, scared and desperate. I met men of all ages from 18-70 every time they touched me I panicked I worried about being raped I worried about harm to my child. Overtime I began to block it out I painted on a that perfect smile. I made all the right noises and within 2 weeks I had earned £800.
I should have stopped then but greed got the better of me I became addicted I knew my baby could have the best of the best if I carried on with my dirty little secret.
I stopped sleeping with strangers at 39 weeks pregnant, scared that I would go in to labor whilst with a stranger. In the short space of time I had made £2,500. I moved into my own 2 bedroom house all paid for by ‘dirty money’. I brought all the essentials needed and vowed never to go back to sleeping with strangers.
When my daughter was 6 months old I started searching high and low for a job I needed to provide for my child. I gave up my job search and went back to selling my body I knew it was easy money and I could earn as much as I wanted. I always had safe sex and ensured that I had regular check ups at the sexual health clinic. I only ever saw people when my daughter was asleep at night. My daughter was 18 months old and I started to date someone (not a client). Within 2 weeks of meeting my partner I stopped selling my body and completely opened up to him he never judged just supported me.
I am ashamed to say that I sold my body.
I am now 28 years old married to the love of my life of 8 and a half years. We have 3 beautiful children regardless of what the future holds I would never return to my old ways.
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