Humor Magazine

I'm Meh on Disney

By Dianelaneyfitzpatrick

I'm Meh on Disney I don’t want to say I hate Disney, because there are some lame websites and blogs out there that claim to be all about hating Disney World/Land and environs. They have a very bitter, sad feel to them. Also, there was some lady in New Jersey who posted something on the Internet about how she and her kids were not very impressed with Disney and the comments it drew would singe Simba’s eyebrows. “You’re a miserable person if you weren’t happy in the happiest place on earth!” “I feel sorry for your kids.”  In other words, What gives you the right to complain about standing in a line for 2+ hours to find that it still is a small world after all? I hesitate to join the haters, because after my run-in with with knitters, I can’t afford to draw any more fire from special interest groups. I found a website called The I Hate Disney Club and the entire site is this:
Why We join the club
  • we hate disney
  • we believe disney is the black hole of acting careers
  • disney supports stupid musicians if you can call them that such as Britany Spears, Backstreet Boys, Christina Aguillera, and Youngstown, if you've heard of them......
  • they have some of the stupidest original movies that are all about the exact same things, just different people, kinda like babysitters club books, i think disney has a show for those too.....hey
  • we hate disney--i can't think of anything else.....right now...
This is the We Hate Disney Club. if you think that the things above are true, they make you laugh cause they're so stupid, or just because you feel like it, you can join the club. All you have to do is write Rika an e-mail saying "i want to join your crappy club." then you'll be in it. . . . do you know what my brother just told me? it makes me so mad. the kid from malcolm in the middle, malcolm, i think his real name is frankie muniz, but kenji, that's my brother, said that he's gonna be on an original disney movie!!!! AHHHHHHHH!!!! if he does that, i might have to shut the club down, i dont know, i'll watch the movie and tell you all about it. but anyway, that's all my depressing news for now. cause i love malcolm in the middle. anyway -
OK, so enough of the 7th grade bloggers. Anyway . . .  I was at Disney for a couple of days this week while my husband was at a conference. Disney World is forever being picked as the site for adult middle-aged-male business conferences, which I don’t get. None of these guys had their kids with them. I’m pretty sure out of 500 guys in gray slacks and navy blazers, briefcases and bluetooths, I was the only wife along for the trip. There are any number of places a business conference would be better served. Starting with Chicago and ending with, oh, I don’t know . . . anywhere else other than Disney World. But it is what it is. I went along because I didn’t have anything else to do and I thought I could get caught up on some knitting, writing and reading. My sister had just sent me a copy of Walden and I wanted to dig into it. Reading Thoreau in Disney World is the most ironic thing I did this decade. Thoreau urges, “Simplify!” Disney responds, “Supersize it! And put sparkles on it, too!” Everything at Disney is huge. And by huge I mean hee-youge. A good slogan for Disney World would be: “If Size Doesn’t Matter, Someone Forgot to Tell Us.” I didn’t venture into the actual parks at all. At $76.50 a pop, I figured I could buy my $6 bottle of water and burned pizza right outside my hotel.  The Boardwalk and Downtown Disney, while they have free admission, are no less Disnified. Things are still pretty big. At the Italian restaurant my husband and I went to, there were giant bottles of wine on display. I got a sympathy hangover just looking at them.  Here’s a fountain outside my hotel: I'm Meh on Disney There were more giant fountains on the roof of the building that, when spewing water, messed with planetary weather patterns. This is a movie theater:  I'm Meh on Disney I couldn’t fit even half of the building in the picture. I hear the Sno-Caps are as big as dinner plates and have to be delivered to your seat in a wheelbarrow.  Here’s a dragon made entirely out of Legos: I'm Meh on Disney This beats the shit out of the house with one elongated picture window that I seem to always end up with when I play with Legos. Here’s a planet that I found on the West End of Downtown Disney: I'm Meh on Disney Yeah, for a planet it’s small. But in how many planets can you get a Ghiradelli Double Chocolate Brownie? I can only think of two.

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