Humor

My apologies for not posting yesterday. I've gotten a bit busy with school lately. It's that time of year!
So, I'm also copping out for today and posting a fun story for you. (Although, seriously, laughter is awesome medicine.) I asked my friend, Rich, for a fun bedtime story to distract me from my cutting/suicidal urges. No man I have asked has ever been able to respond with a story, so I expected the standard “I don’t know one” or “I don’t do well when I’m on the spot” or, at best, a rehashed classic. Instead, I got this original masterpiece:
Once upon a time there were two squirrels.One was named Bob and one was named James.They were the best of friends.They knew that spring was coming to their neck of the woods, and they were excited.Bob was excited to not have to eat nuts from the beginning of the winter. He was really jazzed about the prospect of fresh nuts.James was excited about stealing food from the bird feeders.He couldn’t understand why people were so dumb that they put bird feeders out where squirrels (like himself) could get to them.Well, finally spring did come and James and Bob enjoyed their individual favorite things.Unfortunately for both of the squirrels, there were negative effects of both the things they were doing.Bob got so fat on fresh nuts that he couldn’t move and had to be rolled everywhere he went.He eventually went to the Big Oak Tree in the sky because not only could he not walk… but he could not feed himself.James found a bird feeder that had all of the choicest bird foods in it and he ate there whenever he could.Unfortunately for him, the humans that own that particular feeder have a vendetta against squirrels, and one day they poisoned the food.Needless to say, James went to see his best buddy Bob and all of the humans on earth lived happily ever after without all of the the dumb squirrels running around.The End