Dating Magazine

How To Win Your Ex Back When Your Ex Has Someone New

By Louise Hadley
Your Back When Someone

Whether it's been a few months since your ex broke up with you, or it's just recently that the break up happened, you still cannot get over your ex. And you desperately want him/her back .

But there's a problem - Your ex already has someone new!

I can imagine that you might be shocked that your ex could get over you so quickly. At the same time, you might also feel hurt or even betrayed especially if you have invested so much in the relationship.

Every time you think of your ex and his/her new lover, you can't help but feel like confronting your ex to ask whether he/she had actually been cheating behind your back all the time you were together with your ex.

However, no matter how tempted you might feel to do so, you want to ask yourself this question first: By asking your ex whether they cheated on you when they were with you, do you think that would make your ex more likely to want to be with you again, or more likely want to stay further away from you ?

Chances are that your ex will want to stay further away from you because what you're doing is linking pain in him towards you.

You Are Afraid That If You Don't Act Now It Will Be Too Late

Many of my clients that I've helped over the years all have the same fear in that they are afraid that if their ex is now with someone new, or dating someone new, their chances could get slimmer if they don't "act" now to contact their ex.

You could probably be thinking the same way as well. And your reasoning for that could be that if they get to spend more time with that someone new, they would create new "moments" together and your ex would soon forget all about you, and you will not stand a chance of getting your ex back again.

While that does sound logical on the surface, such thinking is actually flawed. Let's examine why.

You Already Had Created Moments With Your Ex

Think about it: Before you two broke up, chances are that you probably had created a lot of fun anf loving moments with your ex, right?

You both, at the start of the relationship, would probably say many sweet things to each other and also create many sweet memories together.

Spend some time now to think about all the lovely memories you both had. There should be quite a few, right?

Like the times when you both would say sweet nothings to each other. The times when you two would just look at each other in the eyes and feel so happy. The times when you both would just hold hands and do lots of fun activities together.

Those are undeniable sweet and memorable "moments" in your relationship. Those are real, and you both did have lots of great and fun times together.

But right now, you are no longer together and you are reading this article on how to get your ex back.

So, let's look at this theory more closely.

You feel that your ex creating new "moments" with that someone new, and that the longer they spend time together would mean their relationship would get more and more stable, then you'd have no chance of getting your ex back.

Suppose this theory is correct. Then, by that theory, shouldn't you and your ex not have broken up in the first place?

In fact, by that theory, you and your ex's relationship would become more steady and stronger! But here you are desperately searching for a way to get your ex back on the internet.

So, why is it that even though your ex is with someone new, you can still get back with your ex?

People Change Their Minds All The Time

Here is a core fundamental concept that you must understand very clearly in order to get your ex back, and that is - People change their minds all the time depending on the new experiences they have.

Read that again, and let that really sink in you and then give it some thought.

Think about it - when you were with your ex at the start, I'm sure your ex must have said some lovely and sweet things to you like "I will love you always" or "I can't bear to be without you" or "I'm so glad you came into my life", right?

But, in the end you two still broke up.

Why? That's because people change their minds all the time depending on the new experiences they have.

I'm sure you must have changed your mind many times, just like you said you were going to do one thing, but then suddenly certain things happened and you changed you mind about it.

The same goes for your relationship.

When you two first got together, you probably didn't do what you did towards the end of the relationship.

For example, you started shouting and arguing more and more with your ex or stopped doing fun things together towards the end of the relationship.

And when these things happened, that made your ex have a change of mind and change of Perception of who you were.

Right now, your ex can still have a change of mind as long as you give your ex a new experience of you from here on.

So, how can you do that?

Reflect Back On Your Past

The reason your ex broke up with you most likely is because somewhere along the line in your relationship you must have changed from how you were at the start of the relationship and that made your ex want to leave you.

You see, we all make decisions in general based on two basic human needs:

1) The need to gain pleasure

2) The need to avoid pain

If you have been always getting your ex to feel pleasure towards you, chances are that your ex wouldn't have broken up with you in the first place.

However, most likely your ex must have had felt pain towards the relationship and you, and that's the reason why your ex left you in the first place.

You two might be having a lot of arguments and that made the relationship very toxic. You might have cheated on your ex. You might have showed less interest or love towards your ex. You might have gotten more angry and upset towards the end of the relationship.

The bottomline is that you must have done something that made your ex link pain to being with you in the relationship.

So, I want you to think of all the possible things that you might have done in the relationship that have let your ex link pain towards you.

Once you've gotten a list of all that, you want to take note of them and stop doing all those things from here on because those are the things that make your ex not want to be with you.

Now that you know what your ex links pain to towards you, we want to know what it is that let your ex fall in love with you in the first place.

You Already Have The Qualities That Attracted Your Ex

One thing that many people fail to realise is that you already have the qualities that attracted your ex to you. Those qualities alone made your ex fall in love with you and want to be with you in the first place!

So, you want to think back to how you were like when your ex first got together with you.

What was it that made your ex attracted to you?

What was it that made your ex fall in love with you?

What did your ex say they liked about you?

Those are things that your ex already found attractive and was the reason they got together with you. So, that is the perception that you want your ex to have of you from here on.

How To Contact Your Ex When They Are With Someone New

Now that your ex is with someone new, you want to be extremely delicate with your situation because the last thing you want is to let your ex be convinced that leaving you was the right decision, and the push them further into their new lover's arms.

Here are a few surefire ways that are guaranteed to push your ex further from you and closer to their new lover (do NOT do this):

1) Ask your ex if he/she had been cheating on you when you two were together

2) Beg your ex to take you back

3) Reason with your ex why you are the better choice

4) Get angry and upset with your ex

5) Telling your ex you still love him/her

All the above will do nothing but make your ex feel more un-attracted to you and wonder why he/she ever fell in love with you in the first place.

So, what should you do instead?

Make Your Ex Feel Good Towards You

If you take a closer look at all the above mentioned things you should NOT do, you actually do these things to get what YOU want without thinking for your ex. In a way, all you are thinking and probably all you have been thinking about in the relationship is you, you, and nothing else but you.

That's the reason why you got into this mess in the first place.

So, if you want to make things right again, the first step is to go back to the roots of how your relationship started .

Back then your ex wanted to get together with you because you made your ex feel good about being with you. That's the main thing that you want to do now as well.

When contacting your ex, you want to always begin in a friendly way. Always start as friends first because being friends is the the "backdoor" to your ex's heart again.

Here are some of the ways to get your ex to feel good and to link pleasure towards you:

1) Motivate, encourage and let your ex feel good about herself/himself when talking to you.

2) Compliment and validate your ex whenever you have the chance in the conversation.

3) Do NOT argue or get into a quarrel.

4) Let your ex view you as very positive. People love happy people.

5) Be your ex's source of strength and support.

6)Keep the conversation light and fun always

7)Be very polite and friendly

8)Absolutely NO serious talks about the relationship and whatsoever.

If you are blocked by your ex, please read this article on How To Get Your Ex To Unblock You.

If you are ignored by your ex, please read this: How You Can Get Your Ex To Stop Ignoring You.

You see, the way to get your ex back is NOT to tell your ex that you want him/her back, but instead to let her feel good enough, and to let your ex remember the you that he/she fell in love with, and then you will be a contender to be with your ex again.

Your ex will always be constantly comparing you and the new lover. So you want to always put forth your best self and let your ex have a really hard time to decide between you and the new person.

But if you constantly show your ex a side of you that was the reason why he/she left you in the first place, you will be literally driving your ex into his/her new lover's arms, so remember not to do that.

The Key To Getting Your Ex Back

Many people have the misconception that the way to get their ex back is just to show their good side once or twice and that should be enough to get their ex back.

But unfortunately that is not true. Think about it - in a relationship, would you want your lover to just shower you with love once or twice and then stop from then on?

Most likely not, right?

So, the key to getting your ex back is Consistency. Be consistent in the way you are letting your ex experience the new you.

How long will this take? There are many ways to speed things up but the thing is that each situation is different and we are dealing with human emotions here, so we cannot put a timeline on that.

So the question you should ask yourself are these:

1) How much is your ex worth to you?

2) How long are you willing to put in effort to win your ex back before you give up and walk away for good?

What I always tell my clients is that if your ex is worth it, then show your efforts to match it.

For in-depth strategies & tactics on how to get you ex back in your specific situation, click one of the pictures below:

You Might Also Like :

Back to Featured Articles on Logo Paperblog

These articles might interest you :

Magazines