Humor Magazine

How To Tell If Your House Is Haunted

By Midlifemargaritas @mdlifemargarita
How To Tell If Your House Is Haunted
   *Image: Witthaya Phonsawat /
*Seeing Ghosts. Ok this is a ‘dead’ giveaway. If you see transparent people in your house or people who ‘float’ then your house is haunted.
*Creepy Noises. Hearing laughter when no one is around? A sound of footsteps but no one is there? Yep, haunted. (Or you had way to much fun at last night’s party!)
*Missing Things? Where are your keys? Sunglasses? You just don’t lose those; someone is hiding them from you. ~theme from Halloween is playing in the background. ~
*Pets Acting Weird. Is your pet growling at things that aren’t there? Hair standing up? Unless you have changed your pet’s food recently, your pet may be trying to tell you there is a ghost in your house.
*Appliances Turning On and Off by Themselves. Does your TV turn on by itself? How about your hairdryer? If your dishwasher and laundry start on their own, I think its ok. Now, if you can get a spirit to fold the laundry and empty the dishwasher…
*Something Under the Bed. Feel like there is someone or something under the bed? Have someone else check for you. Just in case… (scenes from ‘Poltergeist’ run through my head).
*Getting Physical. If you feel like something has touched, punched, pushed, kicked, bitten or cut you with a knife, you may want to get out of the house! If the front door locks you out of the house and screams “GET OUT”, you may want to heed the advice and run like hell! Those who choose to stay are dumbasses and usually die horrible deaths. Just sayin’.
*Get Help. So you have determined the house is haunted. Time to call in the big guns. If you can score TAPS from SyFy, you will be famous in your ‘hood’. However, the rest of the area you live in will hear about it on the local news and think you are real freak.
*Look On The Bright Side. While insurance doesn’t cover hauntings, you will be the hit at Halloween! Chicks love scary houses so there is always that…

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