You want to reconnect with your ex and get your ex talking to you again in order to rekindle your past relationship, but your ex is not on speaking terms with you.
Every time you try to reach out to your ex over the telephone, it probably goes to voicemail. You leave a voice message, hoping that your call will be returned. After waiting for what seems like eternity, your ex never calls you back and you get very upset.
So, what is the next logical step towards getting your ex to communicate with you?
You might probably choose to send a text, private message over social media, or send your ex a personal email.
Unfortunately, all your efforts do not seem to help you get the response you want. And in the worst case scenario, you might suddenly find yourself blocked.
You are probably racking your brain to guess why your ex is treating you this way.
Does it mean your ex hates you and wants nothing to do with you?
Or does it mean that your ex is over you and has already moved on?
Is there any way you can get your ex talking to you again?
Your heart weighs heavy and you feel like your hands have been tied behind your back. There is nothing you have not tried to get your ex to talk to you.
Obviously, You Have A Problem!
In order to mend your broken relationship, communication is critical.
If you cannot get your ex to talk to you, you most certainly cannot get them to be friendly or fall in love with you all over again (if this is your goal). At this point, it is worth to mention that the most common reason for an ex to stop communicating is YOU. This may be hard for you to believe, but before you get all irate and get into full denial mode, let's analyze the situation.
You Haven't Let Enough Time Pass By After Your Breakup
No matter what relationship experts may claim, all break-ups are hard, emotionally draining and rarely mutual. Whether or not you are the one who initiated the breakup, both party in the relationship would need to go through the various stages of grieving.
As such, it is well known that the first stage in the grieving process is anger. If you initiated break-up, your ex is probably angry that you wanted to end things yet you are still trying to act like everything is normal. By sending your ex an endless stream of texts and messages, you are only adding salt to the wound you created during the breakup, rather than actually getting your ex talking to you again.
If your ex is the one who wanted to end the relationship, then it means that he/she probably wants to have some space and alone time to think over things. When you are not giving them the space and time they need, they will feel annoyed and stay further away from you.
You Are Bombarding Your Ex With Messages & Calls
Have you been trying to contact your ex via all the possible communication channels you can think of (Whatsapp, Emails, Phone Calls, Skype, Facebook and etc)?
Why are you behaving this way?
This is because your mind tells you that if you don't keep in touch, the old saying "out of sight, out of mind" will become a reality in your particular situation and your ex might forget about you and move on.
However, this cannot be further from the truth!
When you keep sending your ex messages and keep calling after getting no reply, what do you think your ex would think of you? Do you really think that will get your ex talking to you again or will that annoy your ex even more?
Chances are that your ex would think that you are highly emotional and you are still obsessed about them after breakup. Also, your ex might possibly be thinking whether he/ she would be encouraging this crazy flurry of texts, messages, emails and calls if he/she responds.
As a result, you would have forced your ex to go into defensive mode.
So, it is understandable that your ex wants to stay away and avoid talking to you, in hopes of eventually discouraging you from continuing your irrational behavior. And if you haven't realized by now, your actions have only pushed him/her further away.
Clearly, if you ever want to get your ex talking to you again, you need to understand two things:
- Your actions so far have only worked to push your ex further away from you
- You need to understand why you are acting in a way that is actually sabotaging your chances of getting your ex back
By doing so, you can find solutions that will help you reconnect with your ex and get him/her to start talking to you once again.
So, why are you behaving in a way that is hurting your chances of reconciliation?
You Are Unable To Control Your Emotions
Any person who has gone through a breakup can attest to the fact that the highly charged emotions that they experienced were mostly related to anxiety, impatience, and the desperation to want things to go back to where they once were with their ex.
In your situation, you want your ex to talk to you. Since they are not even responding, you have become desperate and are trying even harder to get them to talk to you.
Here is a piece of advice. Whether a breakup is recent or long time ago, your ex can smell your desperation to get back together from miles away. In your ex's mind, your desperate attempt to get in contact with them simply makes him/her believe that if they respond, they will have to deal with a highly emotional person. And that will deter them even more from wanting to reconnect with you.
So, getting your emotions under control is one of the most important steps in getting your ex back. Once you are emotionally ready to contact your ex, then you can try the method below to make your ex want to talk to you again.
So here are 2 powerful ways to get your ex talking to you again:
The Covert "Interest Appeal" ApproachRight now, your ex isn't responding to your texts and emails and he/she won't even pick up your calls. Don't get dismayed or discouraged by this.
Here, I am going to teach you a method to pique your ex's interest and get your ex to talk to you.
You know that we human beings are curious in nature. When you call your ex, it works to your advantage if it goes to his or her voicemail.
Why? This is because a voice message would make your ex curious and want to find out what it is.
However, not ALL voice messages would yield the desired response.
You may have already left a couple of voice mails, but have not yet received any reply and you are probably wondering why.
The answer is simple. Your voice mails came off as needy, desperate and emotional.
If you fall under the category of individuals who have been seriously trying to communicate, this incidental contact technique I am going to teach you requires that you take some critical steps.
First, you MUST resist the urge to initiate any further communication for a while.
Why must you do this?
So, your ex will stop thinking of you as a nag. Then let some time pass after your last attempt at contact. The second step is to choose a time when you are sure that your ex will not pick up your call.
The reason why you have to pick a time when your ex probably will not pick up the call is because you are not ready for an actual conversation yet. Just because you think you are ready doesn't necessarily mean that you are in reality.
Let's be honest for a minute. Your ex has not been picking up your calls, so each time you call, subconsciously you think that he/she won't pick up and are prepared to deal with the emotions that arise from this situation.
But if your ex picks up this time, can you truly say you are prepared for a real conversation? It's highly unlikely that you are. Chances are that you might start saying things that could push your ex even further away and may even be told to never call your ex again. We certainly don't want that to happen.
Now that you understand why you should pick a time when your ex is unlikely to answer your call. The next step is to leave a very casual voice mail. Please note that it is very important that you eliminate all emotional elements from the voice mail. A great example of this type of voice mail is one which you tell your ex about things that actually interests them.
Do not go into great details as you are bound to deviate from the original plan and leave a lengthy voice mail that has a lot of rambling. Be sure to sound happy, lively, and calm. Finally, sign off by saying that you hope they are well and avoid adding anything regarding your well-being. After all, if your ex really wanted to find out if you were ok, he/she would have responded to you already.
Moreover, you must strictly adhere to the general rule of not requesting your ex to call you back. This is because if your ex decides to call you back after you request them to, the ensuing conversation may be awkward because you are not prepared for an actual conversation. Worse still, you might fall back into old habits and start talking about your emotions which is a definite "no, no".
What this short and thoughtful voice mail signals is that first, you have a valid reason for contacting him/her and secondly, you are no longer an emotional mess. Therefore, your intentions to talk with him/her are not to whine, beg or plead for a response.
You simply come off as considerate, which is a quality that attracts everyone (your ex included). Once you have left the voice message, be patient and wait for a response. Eventually, if the topic you were talking about really did appeal to their interest, your ex would contact you about it.
Create Emotional Momentum To Keep The Communication GoingIf you do as I have said above, it should have worked to open up the lines of communication between you and your ex.
What come next is that you need to create an emotional momentum that will guarantee that communication between two of you continues.
How do we create emotional momentum?
The first step in creating emotional momentum is finding out all the topics that you can use to either continue the conversation, or start another conversation after some time has passed. Having these topics at hand will make sure that if your ex decides to call, you will have something to talk about other than your breakup or your emotions.
It is worth mentioning that these topics should not be those that you are interested in. Instead, they should be those that your ex is interested in talking about. Finding out these topics should be a breeze since you were together with your ex for quite some time and you should know what your ex is interested in or likes to talk about.
For this strategy to work and get your ex talking to you on a regular basis, make sure that each conversation you have with him/her lasts no more than 5 minutes. This will make sure that you don't get off topic. A conversation that lasts more than five minutes may bore your ex and put him/her off talking to you for good.
And here are a few additional pointers to ensure that your conversation will continue to go well:
- Motivate, encourage and let your ex feel good about himself/herself when talking to you.
- Compliment and validate your ex whenever you have the chance in the conversation.
- Let your ex view you as very positive. People love happy people.
- Be your ex's source of strength and support.
- Keep the conversation light and fun always
- Be very polite and friendly
- Do NOT argue or get into a quarrel with your ex.
- Absolutely NO serious talks about the relationship whatsoever.
- Do NOT bring up the past "history" of your relationship
- Do NOT ask your ex if they still have feelings for you.
If you do the above pointers consistently and be patient throughout the whole time, you will create a feeling of regret in your ex as well!
Whatever your situation may be, would you prefer to force your ex talk to you because you consistently pester him/her or would you rather have your ex actually look for, and contact you because he/she wants to?
And I'm very sure you will know the answer to that by now!
For in-depth strategies & tactics to get your ex back, click one of the pictures below:
