What is considered cheating? Of course, sleeping with someone other than your boyfriend is considered cheating. However, does a tipsy kiss with a guy friend count as cheating? What about a flirty message/tweet or a sext? These are all non-sexual indiscretion, and a lot of guys still consider it as cheating. More suspicious boyfriends will jump to conclusion that you have had sex with the third party when they find out these indiscretions. This makes the case more complicated because trust has been broken and it is going to be difficult to make your boyfriend believe what you say even if you are telling the truth.
Today's Technology Makes Cheating Easier
It is very clear that advance in technology has made cheating easier and also made it more tempting to cheat. With Facebook, texting, Tinder and dating/cheating websites, relationship needs to be a lot stronger to withstand the test of temptation. These days, majority of affairs start online and develop into a physical relationship over time.
Boyfriends' Reaction After Being Cheated On
Without any doubt, all guys will be furious when they find out that their girlfriends have cheated on them. They not only feel angry at you, but they also feel extremely hurt by what you did. Some choose to break up with their girlfriend right away. Some break up with their girlfriends shortly after because it is hard for them to get over the betrayal and pretend everything is back to normal again. Almost all guys decide to end the relationship. However, that is not to say that no one has been able to rekindle their love after going through a rough patch. I have seen quite a number of couples getting back together after one party cheated on the other, but I have to admit that it takes time and it also depends on your unique situation.
Why Do Girlfriends/Wifes Cheat?
Scenario 1: Feeling Lonely In A Long Distance Relationship
It has happened to my friends. If you do not have very strong self-control, it is very easy to succumb to temptation especially when you are feeling lonely and vulerable and your boyfriend is thousands miles away. However, this is no excuse to cheat.
Scenario 2: Boyfriend Cheated First
One of my girl friends found out her boyfriend cheated on her with another lady after going through his chat history. She confronted him, and he admitted to the affair. Devestated, she wanted to break up with him, but he begged her to stay and promised never to do it again. She still loved him very much but she still couldn't really forgive him for hurting her this way. During that time, one of her ex boyfriends contacted her and she went out with him. One thing led to another. She slept with him. She says it is her way of getting over her boyfriend's betrayal. Her boyfriend never found out about her affair. Two years later, they are engaged.
This is a rare case. I am not sharing this for you to follow her example. I don't agree with what my girl friend did. Two cheating people do not lead to a happy relationship. A happy and lasting relationship should be always based on trust and respect.
Scenario 3: Boyfriend Is Always Busy With Work
Some of my readers wrote to me that they cheated on their boyfriend because their boyfriends are always busy at work. They hardly see their boyfriends, so they go out partying with single girl friends and get hit on by guys at the club. You know what happens after that.
Scenario 4: Having Relationship Problems With Boyfriend
There are always fights and arguments with your boyfriend. Along the way, you met a new guy and you kind of like this new guy. So, you decided to take a break with your boyfriend and see what happens with the new guy.
Scenario 5: Cheating With A Co-Worker
We all know how it goes down. You're staying at the office until midnight to finish an important project, ordering takeout, and bonding over the fact that you have no life. Once you open up to the coworker about office-related issues,the lines of your relationship become blurred. He'll make you feel better and make you feel sexy and attractive because he'll listen to you attentively and flatter you. As you both start to share other life stresses-about your relationship, your arguments, and so on-then before you know it, it becomes an emotional affair.
Some Kinds of Cheating Are Sort Of Allowed
Based on a poll with my readers, I find out that about half of them think that there are justifiable reasons to cheat, whether driven by unhappiness in a relationship or if the infidelity occurs with a celebrity crush. Surprisingly, the most accepted reason for cheating was to get back at your partner who cheated first. Since when do two cheating people make a happy relationship?
Things Your Ex Boyfriend Might Look At Before He Decides To Take You Back
1.Was It A One-time Thing?
So, your boyfriend would definitely want to know if this is just a one time indiscretion or a long term affair. If it is a long term affair, it means you have feelings for the third party and it is only just a moment of weakness. It is going to be harder to get your boyfriend back.
2. Did You Tell Your Boyfriend Or He Found Out Himself?
If your boyfriend found out about the affair through friends or by going through your phone messages, the sting of betrayal will be much worse than if you told him first.
3. Does Your Boyfriend Still See A Future With You?
That really depends on how much your boyfriend loves you and how important you are in his life. However, this is not your get-out-of-jail-free card for cheating. It is wrong to cheat. It is also wrong to take your boyfriend for granted. It is going to be your loss if your boyfriend, whom loves you more than any other guy you have met, gives up on you and the relationship because of your repeated betrayal. If your boyfriend gives you a second chance, you better make sure you don't screw up again this time.
4. Will Your Boyfriend Truly Be Able To Forgive You?
Here comes the most important part. If your boyfriend himself doesn't truly believe that he can look past it and start afresh with you, it is going to be difficult to have a lasting relationship even if you two get back together. This is because there will be times when he will feel paranoid that you are cheating with someone else again. So, building trust with your boyfriend is a MUST.
How To Regain Trust
So, you have lost your credibility and your boyfriend's trust. The good news for you is that trust can be rebuilt and the relationship can be salvaged. The not so good news is that it is not going to be easy and it is going to take a lot of time, work and patience.
When you try to rebuild trust with your boyfriend, it means you must show that you are really sorry for what you did and really understand what your boyfriend has gone through and has felt. Also, you must show that you are willing to change and work hard on winning their trust back. Your boyfriend needs to see a lot of proof that you're trustworthy , honest and reliable before they decide to trust you again.
It is going to take patience, courage, strength and commitment for both of you to get through this.
Some Useful Tips:
* Remember that regaining trust is the same as regaining credibility. So, make sure that you keep your words when it comes to the most trivial things. If you say that you are going to call tonight, you make sure you will call tonight. If you say that you will be home by 7pm for dinner, you will be home by 7pm for dinner.
* Give your partner space and time to process what has happened and to heal. You should prepare yourself for a lot of questioning , a lot of judgement and a lot of yelling. It is the only way for them to vent their feelings and deal with the hurt and betrayal. When faced with this, you need to stay strong and keep apologizing and be understanding.
* Accept the fact that everything will NOT go back to normal right away. It will take a long time. Sometimes, it might feel like that you are moving two steps forward and three steps back. One minute, it looks like your boyfriend has forgiven you and everything is okay. The next minute, your boyfriend starts to bring up your affair and gives you the cold shoulder. So, it is important for you to be mentally prepared for this when you go through the inevitable setbacks and obstacles along the way. If you think your relationship is worth saving, then it is worth your effort and patience to pull through.
* Reflect on your actions and poor judgement and take responsibility for it. Go to the root cause why you cheated and figure out what you can do to make sure it will never happen again.
* No lies, not even white lies. Don't have the slight hope that he will never find out you lied. If he did find out, you would lose him forever.
* Show Affection for your boyfriend on a daily basis. Pay Attention to your boyfriend on a daily basis. Practice appreciation on a daily basis. Show your boyfriend how much you love him in big and small ways.
* When the relationship feels like it's stuck and struggling, make sure you do this: Lean in, look your partner in the eye, take deep breaths and say these words: "I love you. You are the one I want. I am really sorry for the pain I caused you and us. It feels scary right now, but we'll get through this."
